Mother’s views

[Shaz]

Hi everyone

I have been out (the 2nd time) (detail removed by moderator) and although there have been some lows financially and emotionally for me I feel I am on an upward path, getting my affairs in order and making plans for myself. I hope that in a couple of months I will be stable and able to live my life how I want to.

The ex tries to contact me now and again and messages my mum too. Whether her views are as a result of his messages I don’t know. He seems to think there is a chance we might get back together (I have not given him this impression) and I think he alludes to this in his messages to her.

The issue I have is that she has said two things to me that I was quite shocked by, as my mother. The first was that she ‘felt quite sorry for him’ and the second was that ‘I should not have walked out on him the way I did, I should have told him what I was about to do'(I fled). I do not question for one moment how I did what I did but I feel massively let down by what she has said. I am strong enough to know what I did was the only thing that I could have done; I asked him to leave and he did for (detail removed by moderator) and came back; I told him it was over and he got drunk and really scary. What else was I to do?

I just wondered if anyone else’s parent(s) have said similar things? I feel like if my own mother can say these things then how must others see it? On the other hand, everyone else I have told totally gets it and has supported me.

Thanks
Shaz x

 

[positivelyempath]

Omg I’m having similar with my mum… no support and even said ‘your never happy’ and ‘things really aren’t that bad!’ ‘He’s a good guy really’… honestly! It was effecting me for a while but now I just try to talk to her about it as little as possible but sad I don’t get any support! I feel your pain x

[Newbeginnings1234]

Hi, both of my parents said similar things, and still do, about my ex. When I left they continued to speak to him, they even let him in and spoke to him when he turned up at their house looking for me. Similar to your situation, he would repeatedly message them asking them to persuade me to go back to him and they kept telling me that I should have left him a note or told him that I was going to leave. When I reported him to the police they said I was being too harsh on him and that he didn’t deserve it. They also tried to get me to contact him and offered to drive me to his house to speak to him. I feel exactly the same way about other people believing me based on what my parents think. I understand how it feels to spend so long trying to get the courage to tell people what’s happened and your own parents don’t believe you, it makes you feel so much more alone. But that’s what abusers do, they act completely differently around everyone else so they won’t realise what’s going on, then they act like they’re the victim to make people think that they’ve done nothing wrong. At least other people are being supportive, and eventually people will realise what he’s really like x

[queenmaeve]

My Mother told me that I had made my bed and I should lie in it! My whole extended family turned against me because I stood my ground. He lied to everyone and made it all about him but I never relented. Lots of things were said and I now have no family apart from my children and wonderful partner. I don’t need anyone else with all of their dramas. I am free now. These people have not had your experiences, they do not live your life and so its none of their business x

[KIP.]

I’m so glad your mothers view haven’t made you doubt your decision because you absolutely did the right thing. Some people will never understand. Even if you say that 3 women a week are killed by their partners or ex partners. My mum thought my ex was really attentive when he was constantly phoning and trying to track me down. She saw that as him showing how much he cared. I think it’s partly a generation thing and I really hope our generation and the next recognise abuse for what it really is. Also, we are a thousand percent more sensitive after an abusive relationship so take a step back and one day you can tell her how hurtful those comments were.

[resilient]

My father seemed to be amused by my ex stalking me and writing letters to pass on to relatives

[sherrybelle]

My mother didn’t want to be bothered by the stress I would bring to her home if I returned with my children. I stayed with my abusive partner. Eventually I escaped with the help of a good friend. My mother is regretful now and wishes she had helped me. I love her but will always feel she let me down when I needed her most. Be strong … The truth will out. X

[Author]

Posts