Moved on, but still can’t fully let go!

[Pinkheart]

I’ve been with my new boyfriend of over (detail removed by Moderator) years now, but I just got fully let go! I feel like I’m holding back. I do love him, but I can’t help think he’s going to cheat on me like my ex husband did! I’ve realised this week I have major trust issues and I’m not sure I can let the relationship go on anymore. I feel I’m making myself ill. I’m always second guessing situations and my mind is constantly ticking over about the relationship.
My ex always used to message other women inappropriately etc. my current bf got a message off another woman, I went from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. The message was totally innocent, but I just saw red when a woman popped up on his phone that he’s never mentioned to me, but looking back now I don’t tell him about every person in my phone book either.
I’m so frightened of being trapped like I was in my previous relationship. My ex would say ‘if I can’t have you I don’t want anyone else too either’ and this always sticks in my head!!
He would constantly gaslight me and made me feel so crazy, when actually my gut instinct was right all along.
My current boyfriend is so understanding and supportive, but even with that I’m thinking why is he so understanding? Is he guilty of doing something?
I feel he deserves a normal woman. Not someone who has been mentally abused and cheated on for many years. I have had two lots of therapy, but feel I may need some more to help me manage my emotions and how to read situations better that aren’t anything alarming.
I always shut down in situations, put my guard up and run away! It’s the fear of being trapped that scares me so much, so I’d rather run away myself than give someone else the opportunity to mentally mess with my head again.
Ahhh it’s so draining being like this. I almost feel like it’s not worth it. These last few days my nervous system has been shattered. Feel like i’m always fighting through life now!

[minimeerkat]

you have been so brave in trying to put faith & trust in someone new after experiencing what you have – many women wonder if they can actually have future relationships & ever trust another partner. abuse really does do such a lot of damage so its very normal to feel the way you are
i dont know how much time you gave things before entering this new relationship as sometimes it can prove far too soon due to what you are now experiencing. especially when you are being triggered so easily & severely
perhaps you are right about having more therapy at the moment though as it could be extremely helpful to you, especially if you deep down believe this person is worth it
if there arent any serious red flags & its just you being triggered hopefully expressing your concerns to your partner will also help, as like you have said he is very understanding & supportive
if your new partner is decent & respectful you should be able to take as much time as you need to do whatever is right for you to help you become less fearful
so just take your time
thinking of you x

[Author]

Posts