My Big Mouth

[Serenity]

I’m not doing very well lately with rising above it all.

I went to my son’s parent-teacher evening regarding his A’levels. It seems he’s not pulling his weight. I explained that he needs to be in education until 18, he’s started the course…

He’s clever but unmotivated. I am pretty sure that his dad is subtly trying to sabotage his achievements by brainwashing him. He doesn’t want his son to achieve more than him.

My son told me today he is taking a day off school to work for his dad next week. This is illegal. I saw red and said no way. I said to him that his dad doesn’t want him to achieve. Now I feel bad- but doesn’t he need to consider if this is true? His whole life could be derailed if his dad gets away with his cunning games.

Should I inform the school?

Oh why did I open my big mouth?

[Twisted Sister]

I completely understand yourreaction . Who wouldnt feel aggrieved at this type of interference when you sonneeds the exact opposite!

I think i I wpuld explain that you cannot clear it with school to let him go aspresumably school would need authorisation from you for this.

It might be worth a solicitors letter setting out what od happening? Bit at this age what can be doneother than getting school involved to keep supporting your son against his father’s pressures?

I know its noy always possible to give the response you’d ideally have liked to give but were humans in toughest of circumstances . Your poor lad and you trying to deal with this. When do theystop hey?!

Keep strong

Warmest wishes

[Serenity]

Thank you, Karma.

I keep reminding myself of the quote “All that is needed for evil to exist, is for good men to do nothing.”

Silence allows the abuse to develop, in some situations.

Thank you again.

[SaharaD]

Hi Serenity

Be the positive parent. I’m assuming that your son is in his late teens. At the age where the state believes he is old enough to handle the responsibility of having sex and possibly fathering a child. I’m not a parent. I know he’s still your baby and you want to protect him.

When I was 16, I forced my parents to let off the reins. I choose what I wanted to do at A-level. I submitted my college and university applications without their influence and I started travelling places on my own. I also had a secret boyfriend. Not really secret I supposed my parents would have guess if one particular boy was always calling our house and I was always going out with him and our friends. Apart from making sure I got home at a decent time my parents never said much about what I should do with my life. My sister never came home on the weekends. She had some really nice friends and friend’s parents who let her sleep over every weekend. I even started going out to teen events until 1 am if my father was picking me up and later if it was my local youth group taking me and making sure I got back home. The only real silly restriction was I wasn’t allowed a key so I would have to wake my parents up in the middle of the night.

My mother supported my decision about going to university far away and having a a gap year to get some work experience and my father wanted me to stay at home and go to uni close by and not have a gap year. I just focused on what I wanted to do and eventually both parents where happy once I was safely on my university course.

I know most mothers think that their son are too immature and not ready for life but males and females have to learn for themselves. I know it’s painful to watch your child make a mistake but sometimes that’s the only way they can learn. It isn’t best for Mum or Dad to jump in and rescue us until they pass away.

I know my parents would help me with money and a place to live if my life falls apart but I want to be independent so I know what to do when they are gone and they are both retired. I don’t think my poor sister can cope without them. She recently failed an exam and rang them in the middle of the night crying. I cry alone and accept it and try to pick myself back up.

I can only suggest gentle encouragement to your son. If you are too strict he might severely rebel and go off the rails and run off to his fathers for good…like Madonna’s son Rocco.

Unfortunately there is a lot of evil in the world, and we have to learn how to deal with it and run for the hills. If your son fails his A levels he can always go back to university as a mature student and many successful people flunked out of high school and university.

Just be supportive Mum and help him towards just the basics. It’s him who has to come up with the details.

and yes you are a good mum despite your big mouth.

[SaharaD]

P.S. When I was doing A-levels, No one cared if we turned up to school or class at all. It was up to us how we studied because that was how it was going to be at university. No one was going to call our parents to say that we missed a lecture or were failing.

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

I have to agree with sahara, as mum we can only do our best and emphaise why they need to be in college to do their a’levels, hardest bit is allowing them to be responsible for their choices, maybe re word that he could work with his dad on his day off if this that keen to work with him but his a’levels need to be taken serious and as a priority and if he chooses to still go to work for his dad, say u dissapprove but ultimaely is his choice

[Serenity]

Thanks, both.

The thing is that I can see his dad’s plans so clearly: to stop him from achieving, get him to work for him so he can bully and underpay and monopolise him.

I just need to keep on encouraging my son in his independence x

[Ayanna]

I think you did the right thing. At his young age your son does not yet know the importance of education.
Educate him to stay focussed on his education, not to get side tracked by seductive but harmful opportunities. This can become a habit and lead to failure.

[Serenity]

You are very wise, Ayanna. 💛

[Nova]

I agree with Ayanna…it’s important for your son to stay focussed on his own future…not the past.
He has real new opportunities ahead & your doing your best to support that. Parenting is tough love sometimes…(as we know! given the choice kids would sit on their mobiles eating ice cream all day! Lol)

It’s a very positive message ..your showing him you care about his future, that’s being a great parent! Young people have responsibility too, to their own future, your re enforcing that message, good work!

Hugs Cx

[Author]

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