My child has a mental block about going to see her dad

[Enidblyton]

As the title states really. I am always positive about him (despite my feelings) and contact and I keep saying, oh you’ll have the best time etc etc but she is so adamant she doesn’t want to go and has now started disclosing things that are happening when she is there. Horrible things, which I don’t know if they are true.  I have tried telling professionals who are involved in our life and they respond by saying stop the conflict you are harming your daughter; repeated allegations are unfounded (he has alleged things about me which were found to be not true) I’m so confused, I’m not alleging I’m repeating what she is telling me. I don’t want conflict I want peace. Do I ignore what she is telling me (some things are extremely shocking) do I keep trying to encourage contact (she is getting very mad at me for this saying i am not listening to her). I have tried getting her counselling but because we are mid court they don’t want to become involved. She is so young it’s heartbreaking. Has anyone been in this situation, can anyone advise?

[Marmalade]

Hi trying again as my first reply got timed out.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I think context is important here. You obviously have professional involvement, court proceedings and a history of allegations. No one on this site can advise you accurately without knowing the background which of course we can’t know on a public forum.

As there are court proceedings you probably have a solicitor. Your first port of call should be to ask them for advice. They can advise you on how to safeguard your daughter in light of all the circumstances which they will know.

If you don’t have a solicitor then please try Rights of Women Family Law line. They are only open limited hours and it’s very difficult to get through but they are very helpful so it’s worth persevering.

Good luck.

[Enidblyton]

Thank you both for your replies.
I did (discreetly) video what she was saying, but have been told off for videoing and told it is frowned upon.
(legal detail removed by Moderator) The first sw has came out and I feel like he gave me a right telling off for causing conflict and said contact needs to progress and I am preventing it. I feel like I don’t know how not to cause conflict, simply by repeating what she is saying to me. I took her to the gp and she told the gp what she was telling me. She has had a form of counselling through women’s aid and told the lady she is frightened of him. She told her grandma at a sleepover something horrific that had happened (timeframe removed by Moderator) and I reported it to the police. I was so shocked. But, it’s that shocking I’m not 100% sure if it’s true (plus there were no physical marks). Although, due to his history, he would do something to frightened and intimidate without leaving any evidence.
I have a solicitor who I email with follow ups regularly. But not been given any specific advice. What I wanted to know I suppose, has anyone been through this and is there light somewhere, as in, will she go willingly eventually, or will he give in with whatever games (he may or may not be playing). It’s hard not to be specific. Or will anyone eventually listen to her and actually investigate.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Hi Enidblyton

I’ve removed my post because I don’t want to cause you to do something which may cause you problems. I know absolutely nothing about this subject, as I said in the original post! But Marmalade does and I think you’d be better to follow her advice.

[Marmalade]

Hi Enidblyton

Your best course of action is to ask your solicitor for advice about your situation as you will then get advice tailor made for your situation.

Some women will have children who change their minds, some will have exes who lose interest, some women have allegations investigated and substantiated. Some have allegations dismissed. It all depends on the circumstances.

Good luck working through it.

[Author]

Posts