My child said this, broke my heart.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Spoke with social worker, she is assessing the family and has spoken with the children and I.

She explained that one of the children has said they don’t like coming home from school because mummy is sad. It’s broken my Heart, I’m not at all surprised but it’s a blow still.

I was reassured this doesn’t go against me but will be raised in the assessment.

I’m not sure how I feel about this, I do know I don’t want this to be his memory of me whilst growing up.

I have had so much therapy and apart from that I am not sure what else, apart from the obvious will change things. There are other factors within the home that make me sad not just the relationship, I am caring for my two eldest with their mental health at times this is draining
, tense and does make me sad.

Next week is when they speak with my husband.

I can’t see how my mood will not go against me.

Sw does have to disclose I gave consent for her to speak to children. This scares me.

[Bananaboat]

I’d be more concerned if the report said you’re ‘happy’ living in an abusive environment. It’s perfectly normal for you and your child to be sad, you aren’t living in a happy, equal space. I know it’s scary right now but you sound like a great mum in other posts.xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi CB

I was going to say the same as Bananaboat, how could you not be sad under these circumstances, and that may be something you could directly ask the social worker in response to her raising this, as in, is this what she would be expecting someone to be in. This shows that you do need support and practical help over and above what you have now as well as for your ex to be gone and you all be safe from him. Be frank with them and realistic about your circumstances.

I know how scary it is, we all know how scary this process is, you are definitely not alone. It will be very interesting to see what kind of picture he paints.

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebunnie]

You’re both right, I do think I’m so used to feeling judged or perceived in a negative way that instantly I have blamed myself and looked at this perhaps in the wrong way. It’s not just my husband but his family who have been nasty towards me, my parenting and how I go about housework or life in general, so I’m sensitive about things.

I also wonder how my husband will present, he is a softy, kind person and a great dad. But there’s more to him than this. I know that it’s very common for an abuser to be a great actor when needed to only show their best side, of course he will. I hope that the people involved will have a open minded and understanding of this.

CB X

[StrongLife]

I too have been judged like this in various formats.
Had things written about me and things go against me.

It’s all dreadful. I am sorry you are going through this judgement.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Strong life I hope these were resolved for you x

I am lacking confidence from the abuse from him and his family so automatically see the bad in a comment, however I was told although in report it won’t go against me, just heartbreaking when you hear how things are affecting your children x

[Moonlit Night]

Awww… that is hard to hear. From an SS point of view it is positive that you acknowledge the impact on the children and are seeking help. Glad to hear you are having therapy – it’s coping that feels important now rather than healing.

Improving your emotional state will take time, working with SS is traumatic in itself. And waiting for your ex’s reaction – of course you’re low. So stressful.

I’m wondering if your children have mental health support too. In some areas there is specific DV support for impacted children or ask the school to provide emotional support if they haven’t already.

Your children need to be safe from DA, as do you. And that will create some sadness in the process. Talking to them about emotions now (and in the future) will help so they can understand and acknowledge yours, and their own, feelings.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thanks Moonlit Night

My elder children have been under psychiatrist for years

The younger ones no support although one is now showing signs of anxiety

I think we could all benefit from DV therapy but not been offered any although I will ask

Ss are closing case I have posted about this and am feeling mixed emotions about it.

CB X

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