My family blames me

[Ayidaaaaaa]

I already explained my situation in prior posts. I’ve filled a report at a police station against my „rapist“.
I told the friends, me and the guy share, about it and my family found out about it.
My family is very religious and sees virginity as something holy. they don’t understand the concept of coercion and manipulation so I did not tell them the whole story. Recently I got a letter back saying that my case got dropped.(He said , she said type s**t). Now my parents blame me and are saying I wanted it since they know it happened more than once . My mom calls me every word in the book and probably sees me as a prostitute.

I also feel like my friends restrained themselves from me. Now I’m back to blaming myself and doubting that it was rape. Tbh I just want to disappear and live a new life far from him and everything that reminds me of this situation(my family, similar friends).
I don’t know what to do I feel dirty, guilty, and misrreable.

[Buildmeupbuttercup]

How awful, I’m so sorry. Rape and sexual assault is absolutely devastating and when people around us, especially our family members, blame us the trauma is amplified and extended. I’m also sorry that your case was dropped, it’s unfortunately so so common because our country is awful at prosecuting rapists. I’ve read back on your previous posts and what you experienced was definitely non-consensual and definitely not your fault. It’s never our fault.

Sending love xx

[Ayidaaaaaa]

Yeah :/ , My current situation does not allow me to leave that environment either ☹️ the police doesn’t do anything, my friends don’t and so my family.
I can’t do anything. it’s like i’m stuck. Now that he knows about the report i feel judged by everyone idk.

Thank you ❤️

[StrongLife]

I am sorry your family/ friends have not helped. I understand this is very common concerning blaming survivor. It is not your fault – it is perpetrators fault entirely.

Can you get help from domestic violence shelters if you cannot leave?

Glad you found forum.

Have you thought of finding friends who do help or know?

[Ayidaaaaaa]

Thank you StrongLife
Leaving is very difficult right now since I still depend on my family. I never thought about a domestic shelter. I never thought of my situation as domestic abuse. I have some very few friends who still support me. Very grateful for them.

[Ayidaaaaaa]

Thank you StrongLife
Leaving is very difficult right now since I still depend on my family. I never thought about a domestic shelter. I never thought of my situation as domestic abuse. I have some very few friends who still support me. Very grateful for them.

[Stargazing1]

Family blaming us is not the correct thing for them to be doing. Ayidaaaaaa , you situation is absolutely heartbreaking and horrendous. I don’t believe you are to blame in this situation at all . I think people are very blinkered. They are not there when any situation of abuse occurs they don’t see how the person is being towards us . Our abusive other half’s always put on a persona of being this great person so that everyone thinks they amazing. They make me sick . I wish I could give you a great big hug . You shouldn’t have to have these issues to deal with . I’m so sorry too about the case being dropped that’s despicable. Alot of people in situations like this feel like they can’t win whatever they do . Sending lots of love and hugs . Please take care of yourself.

[Ayidaaaaaa]

Thank you Stargazing1!

I honestly don’t know how i’m still able to mange all this but I somehow keep going. I always think there are better times to come! Even if it means putting everything I know upside down.

[Stargazing1]

You welcome @Ayidaaaaaa , you are stronger and braver than you may think. Your statement of better times to come is a very wise thought . You definitely deserve a happy life . I Really hope for much better things for you . Its nice to think we can talk here privately knowing everyone has something in common and we all have each others back . Please please please take care of yourself and please be kind to yourself too. Sending GIGANTIC BIG HUGS TO YOU. God bless you.

[Author]

Posts