My future is gone

[Littlemissmermaid]

Hi All,

I am at the very beginning of a potential domestic abuse case against my husband, and I am absolutely terrified for the future.

My husband and I have known each other and been together on and off since we were (age removed by Moderator) years old. We finally got married in (year removed by Moderator), but things very quickly began to fall apart.

We have so many amazing memories together, and before things started going wrong, we had plans to buy a house and start a family. Now I feel like I have lost my chances of the perfect future I had ahead of me, and by the time I find anyone and potentially settle down again, I will be too old to have a family, and I feel like I’m always going to mourn the marriage I have lost.

I can’t bear the thought of being in a relationship with anyone else but him. He was my everything, and even when things were bad, I still believed he could change and we would be able to have our happy life together.

Am I foolish for feeling this way? Will I ever find that love and happiness again? When does the pain and mourning turn into hope and determination?

 

[EvenSerpentsShine]

You’re not foolish to feel this way. Personally I think a really big part of the trauma we feel afterwards is about how much we’ve lost.
We’ve lost the lovely relationship that we were conned into believing in in the beginning, and all the promises and dreams around that.

We’ve lost a lot of our own time, and energy and sometimes other resources too, like money, that we’ve plugged into the relationship.

For those of us who’ve been in the relationship many years or decades we feel like we’ve lost our whole lives! I’ve heard many people say that they feel like their life was stolen.

I don’t know how old you are or how many years you’ve been in the relationship, but all I can say, if it helps is just be glad you got out now and haven’t wasted any more years investing in a dream that had failure built into it. If you haven’t yet had children, be glad that you haven’t got the immense worry and strain of having to leave while also worrying about them.

You are probably suffering from trauma.
Sounds like you’re in deep and maybe you’ve lost track of how bad this relationship is.

Im guessing that your relative didn’t take the decision to go to the police lightly. The impact on him must have been severe. Maybe you are numb to how bad this abuse is?
Having an affair doesn’t justify months of punishment and it dosen’t allow him to behave this way.

if he can’t forgive you and move on, he can exit the relationship. I think that’s how most people would do it. That may involve a bit of upset and so on, but months of endless abuse? No way.

[Eyesopening]

I think we all have felt that. I am now single and wondering if I will have a chance to have children. BUT I am so so thankful i do not have children with an abusive man, that would have destroyed me 100%.

give it a year or two, the recovery took a long time but I was happy when I found myself and made a new life for myself. I had a brief new relationship which turned out all the same and I had to leave and now am building myself up again. Heal and have lots of therapy, I had lots of trauma therapy and now I will try something new to stop repeating this unhealthy pattern of abusive relationships. My father was abusive and thats all i know. That is why i rather had an abortion then let a child grow up in an abusive home.
Your life is yours now, love it and own it x

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