My head is a mess.

[BlueBean24]

My ex has now moved out of the family home. I asked him to move out after a violent incident, police were involved but I didnt press charges as he was in psychosis at the time (after not taking meds). I am staying with family with our (age removed by Moderator)yo far away. The plan was for me to return home with (age removed by Moderator)yo and reduce my working hours. Previously I worked full time, ex was stay at home parent. Initially he said he was happy to look after our daughter 2 days a week whilst I worked and (age removed by Moderator)yo appreared happy with plan. He was very apologigetic, assured me he was back on meds, everything was civil between us. I was planning to return home (timeframe removed by Moderator) and start working out how to make life work as a single parent.

Then (timeframe removed by Moderator) I happened to mention to him we were having a family gathering (timeframe removed by Moderator) with my family. This seemed to trigger a meltdown over (timeframe removed by Moderator). Hes told me he attempted suicide, very angry with me, blaming me for everything, left death threats on my voicemail. I was considering going to the police with them. Then he rang in floods of tears blaming alcohol, apologising, begging for help and support with his mental health, I spent a long time on the phone he agreed to seek mental health support, things settled and I decided not to contact police due to his state of mind (high suicide risk, previous multiple suicide attempts, not just threats) Then he went back to begging for forgiveness and support, but still blaming me as he did it. Apparently I am/was controlling over money (If I didnt keep money hidden or inaccessible he would spend it amd leave us without enough for food) controlling over his mental health (often had to get crisis team involved when his mental health was bad and sort medications out for him) I’ve now made him homeless and walked away with all the money (in debt), house and child.

My (age removed by Moderator)yo has said they are scared to see him alone initially and dont want him in the house with them. They said they are happy to meet him somewhere outdoors where “I can run away if I need to” so long as I am there. Initially he was fine with this, said he understood. But now hes back to being erratic in what he says, angry towards me and blaming me. Saying I owe him money for the time he was a stay at home Dad.

Right now Im considering never going back and building a new life where I am now. Ive always promissed that I would never take our daughter away from him or stop him seeing her, but then I never thought we would be in this situation either. I dont know if I go home and see how things go for a bit before deciding. Im so confused about it all.

[Marmalade]

Hi,

I know I’ve replied to you before so apologies if I’m repeating myself.

Please do not let this man have care of your daughter. I am no expert, but from what you say he looks like a real danger to her and she could be at risk of significant harm in his care. He has serious and dangerous MH conditions and often does not keep to his medication , he has had addictions to drugs and alcohol and acts abusively when he has taken these. He has made multiple genuine suicide attempts. Your child is frightened of him and does not wish to be alone with him. His behaviour to her in the house before you left was terrifying and abusive.

Her safety has to be above everything else. I think there is a risk of you normalising his behaviour because you are so worn down and used to it. It’s not normal. It really is not how a child should live.

Please listen to your child and please protect her . You have been so brave leaving. That is such a hard thing to do. You can see how erratic and unstable his behaviour is now towards you. Speak to your local DA agency and get some support for both you and your child. She may need help processing what she has witnessed. You both deserve to be safe and free from abuse and your ex’s unstable behaviour.
Good luck.

[BlueBean24]

Thank you, I am absolutely listening to my child and veing guided by them. I will not be leaving them alone with him unless they tell me they feel comfortable with this and I am seeing consiatent calm behaviour from him.

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