My plan for leaving

[RubberDuckster]

Hi everyone,

After going back and forth for months (and being on holiday for 3 weeks with her) I think I’ve come up with a plan.
All the advice I’ve read is to leave when the abuser isn’t there and not tell them until afterwards, which is doable as my weekday off she is at work. It does feel a bit childish, which is definitely something she’ll respond with and use against me.

I think the best thing for me to do it temporarily move in with a friend’s family and move my non-essential stuff to my parents’ house. That way, she won’t know where I’m living and can’t randomly turn up so I have some space to do what I need to do. I can register as homeless and look for somewhere else, saving money in the process (well, we have a mortgage but once I’m not living there I won’t pay for bills).

The only issue with this is I won’t be able to take my amazing dog. There would be no point having him somewhere else eg. a rescue or charity kennels because he might as well stay at home with my wife – we got him together. I don’t think he’d be at risk from her.

I’m leaving due to my mental health – it’s taken a nose dive in the last few years due to emotional abuse and coercive control from my wife. It’s a toss up, though, between leaving and not having my pup, and not leaving and having him, as he’s a massive support for me and the perfect boy (PAT dog material). He’s my child.

So much to organise. I hope this makes sense.

Has anyone been through similar?

[Reallyconfused]

Hi it’s so good to hear you are making plans to leave. Our mental health is torn to shreds living with abuse. I’m sorry you have to choose between your dog and living in your home. It must be so difficult.
Being called childish is the least of it, our abusers will call us whatever they want and whenever. You have to do what is right and healthy for you as the abuser never really changes sadly and we continue to live in hope that they will, until years go by.
I’ve not had to leave a pet but can imagine how sad it would be.
However the positive is that you can leave, and that you have a plan and supportive friends and family. Please keep posting here as despite having plans, our emotions need to be heard by people who understand.

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