- This topic has 12 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
He will not do any thing I ask him to do..I asked him to go to bed.. and he will stand in the room intimidating me…I walk away he follows me..he eventualy goes upstairs an hour and half after I ask him too…. shouting and banging doors.. there’s other children asleep.. it’s very late by now.. I Carnt relax… I’m still with my abuser… he doesn’t have to be abusive to me anymore……. he just sits back and watched his children do it to me… I’m getting closer to leaving…. but I’m worried I will get abuse off my kids… I Carnt leave for it to carry on…
-
He’s following me from room to room… I ask him to leave me alone he won’t… I said I’ve had years of this with him I’m not having it agin with you… and he said.. well it’s obviously your fault or you would have left beforezz I have come from the front room and gone to my bedroom.. and closed the door and he has come up the stairs and in the bedroom.. standing over me.. I don’t kno what to do..
-
It’s terrible. It sounds like he’s copying his abuser fathers behaviour. Seeing and knowing that there are no consequences. My advice to you is to leave. Take the younger child/children and go to a refuge until you find a permanent solution. I remember my women’s aid worker telling me to be prepared to add my teenage son to my restraining order. That was shocking to me but something that came very close. Nothing will change while you are still with your abuser x
-
You will have to walk away from h too if he continues, but its very worth warning him, and the next time he does it call the police to tell him straight.
I suffered with this also, and its so triggering and absolutely no-one would believe me. I suffered alone, and struggled on unsupported. You have spoken out and are preparing to act, make your strategy for next time this happens. Speak to the helpline for available options.
Obviously they won’t tell you what to do, but you can think a lot clearer once you know what the options are, and feel supported, a well as ensuring you do it safely.
Prepare your statement in response and stick to your guns, if this is safe to do,or keep preparing to go and keeping a low profile avoiding everything until you can get out.
Warmest wishes ts
-
Thankyou for your reply kip and twisted sister…. yes I can see that I really can… and it did trigger so much… I am so close to leaving I went to the housing yesterday… one of many times.. and even went to look at some houses… I am so close to going…oldest child did not kno this…and I thought how would it go if I went? How would they be?.. and I did have the though of leaving him…. but can I ask you both.. as you had similar do they improve once they are away?? Although the way it has been over the last couple of days I would gladly run away and leave them all to it.. it’s heartbreaking that I didn’t go sooner and it’s come to this
-
It’s you who improves once you are away. It’s you who will have the confidence to set boundaries and follow through on discipline. It’s you who can show them you are strong. It’s you who can hug them and show them affection without fear. After that it’s their decision which path they choose but at least you will have your headspace free to deal with it. Your abuser won’t be there to undermine you. To anti-parent x
-
-
Ssss and all of the ladies above, Im so sad to hear your going through this because its the ultimate, cruellest part of this cycle. I believed for ages that it was my fault for not getting out sooner. The more you read you realise its not our fault, its not easy at all to get out of these relationships and the irresponsibility lies with the abuser. He is at the root. I had to remove my eldest from the house, as my child was doing exactly the same as my ex, towering over me, intimidating me every day. I too wanted to just run I didn’t want to go home. In anger I did often say you are cut from the same cloth as your father and I regret that so much. Some time has passed now but the hatred for me is still there, so hurtful. I am wondering if anyone has any advice in this situation? I am trying to find a counsellor. This subject is so taboo. I honestly don’t know anyone else that has been through this except for reading on here. Is there a way forward to mend these relationships? Im hoping its not too late 🙁 xx
-
Hi there, I don’t have any answers but I’ve been through similar with my two sons, especially the eldest one. (They are young adults not). In the months leading up to them going, before the court case, to live with their Dad and new wife my eldest got very cocky with me, he knew he had his Dad’s power behind him you see. It was an horrible situation, I so didn’t want him or his brother to leave and go live back with their DV Dad but neither did I want to be controlled by my son…after all the reason I’d left the DV home/marriage with my children…to save us so to speak…give us a better happier life.
I remember my eldest saying to me his Dad is strong and I are weak…and other chilling things….it was a horrible time I felt so powerless and I agree it’s a taboo subject and I still blame myself for not reporting my ex before I left him for his abusive behaviours. Then maybe just maybe my children wouldn’t have been so drawn to go back and live with him…who knows…xx
-
I’m sorry this was the outcome for you too. I try to understand how the situation got so bad. When I read the book by bancroft I felt when he said that abuse is grown in the soil of disrespect. This is so true. Children are influence over a long period of exposure of abusive behaviour. In effect to them it’s normal. To us its not- where is the treat others the way you’d like to be treated yourself? Respect your elders etc ? Is it society, I’m not sure. It is probably power survival of the fittest. If so then I’m ashamed to be part of the human race. Sorry to be deep, I’m really trying to make sense right now. Will I ever feel peace in myself again? I think I’m pmt lol ☺
-
Shipoffools, I’ve though about that too. I am afraid I’d be portrayed that I was on a witch hunt for him. I would like some justice though, I think in time we will start to see more damage cases in courts. No amount of money would be resolve for being put through all of this though xx
-
Yes, power of the fittest, a competition they will win in the end, especially a there’s woeful absence of intervention from those that could support mothers in getting strong, but women and children cannot stand up against the towering abuser.
It goes on and on, the only way is to cut contact completely and we’re not allowed to do that. So many women and children are killed as a result of the law standing on the side of an abusers right to have complete access to his kids.
All we can do is fight until we just can’t fight anymore.
If we point out the manipulations we are in trouble, parenting wg your hands tied whilst he breaks all the rules because they don’t threaten him, whereas we are fearful.
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
