Navigating the breakup with kids

[songbird1]

I was part of this forum years ago and it gave me a sense of not being alone when I needed it most. Now all these years on I wish I would have taken the advice given and left, however I didn’t and I now have a child with my partner and things have been a roller-coaster of ups and downs. I just don’t think I can do it anymore. The emotional, verbal abuse is seeping into our lives like poison and as my child grows older I can see how it’s shaping them and the guilt I feel is tremendous. I really think I’m ready to leave and start fresh but I’m so scared of causing more damage to my child, but I know if I stay it will be the same story. How do I leave and be financially stable? Emotionally stable? I have no income of my own apart from government help, I haven’t worked in (detail removed by Moderator) years, I have no savings, I can’t drive and I’m the sole carer for our child and I’m scared to start out on my own. Has anyone done it and survived? I also long to have more children and to see my child be a sibling, something they ask for often. How do I meet someone again, trust someone again to be in our lives? I feel like I’ve failed my child because I knew this was a bad relationship and I should have left all those years ago, how do I deal with the guilt of not choosing a better father for my child? I’m at rock bottom and I’d so appreciate words of advice and encouragement. I just know I can’t do this anymore and I want my child to grow up with a happy mum and a safe home.

[Better-days]

Songbird1 I could have written this post practically myself. The reason I have not left is putting my kids at more risk would kill me. There’s been a few incidents now tho where I have definitely realised I need to take the chance and give my kids the opportunity to realise that their home is a save haven and always should be. I have been terrified how I’m going to work it all out. You will always be ok try speaking to local woman’s aid it definitely helped me feel stronger I hope u are ok xx

[Bananaboat]

Once I left I realised how damaging living in abuse was for my kids. I thought I’d protected them or they were too young to understand but it’s a bit like smoke how it seeps into everything. They feel that tension in the air like we do, my eldest admitted to listening to conversations and recognising sounds like how he opened a door as a sign of his moods. They knew if he suggested certain days out it meant danger later and had stashed food & drink in their rooms. My youngest has ongoing dysregulation around managing outbursts which school believe is linked to what they grew up in (and that was only a handful of years as they were so young when I left). Even the dog was diagnosed with anxiety! Yes it’s scary and I’m not going to lie, there’s ongoing issues with the ex and my heart breaks knowing my child isn’t being fully loved when with their dad, BUT you can give them a safe, loving home and teach them about a caring environment. You can also safeguard your child and access support you can’t whilst still living together. I wish, with hindsight I’d got them out earlier and knew staying wasn’t the best option for us anyway. x

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