Need to vent before dreaded holiday

[Anonymous]

Hi lovely ladies,

I needed to get this off my chest because if I don’t I think I’m going to explode. I am also documenting this for myself because I know I will leave and seeing it written out helps to confirm this.

A (detail removed by moderator) ago, I had a (detail removed by moderator). He was upstairs with our two children, youngest is (detail removed by moderator) and a few minutes into the meeting which I was (detail removed by moderator), I heard a thud and she had (detail removed by moderator). Luckily she is ok. He came downstairs in a fit of rage and basically hit me on the head a few times, got a few bruises on my (detail removed by moderator) and he was trying to put my (detail removed by moderator).

My eldest was at the (detail removed by moderator) and watched him (detail removed by moderator). She was under his care but somehow it was my fault. After he hit me, he was saying sorry and asking me if I wanted him to go. The one time I have said yes after an argument before, it just caused him to escalate and lead to him demanding that he took our eldest and only child at the point with him and he made me go (detail removed by moderator). I just hate him so much and I don’t know how to get rid of him.

All day (detail removed by moderator), my eldest didn’t listen to a word I was saying which is unlike her. He keeps asking our eldest “(detail removed by moderator)” So I just feel like he is trying to affect my relationship already with my kids even though they are so little.

We are going away (detail removed by moderator) for a few days and I am dreading it with his mood swings and constant put downs.

This morning I’ve come downstairs and he’s written me a note “(detail removed by moderator)”.

I didn’t think it was possible to hate someone so much.

[Anonymous]

Oh and to add further insult to injury, this morning his apologetic facade has already slipped and he said that I (detail removed by moderator). I replied (detail removed by moderator) and he replied that (detail removed by moderator).

[LightbulbMoment]

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. His behaviour is abusive and dangerous to you and the kids. It is also criminal.
No-one should have to put up with being treated in that way.

It would be worth thinking about a longer term plan – are you going to leave? do you want him to leave? how can you manage this in a way that will keep you and the kids safe? You local WA will be able to help with that.

But you also have an immediate issue – the holiday. Are you still going to go?- is there a way to safely cancel it?
If you are going to go, what can you do to keep you and the kids safe? IME things ramp up and become much more tense on holiday (we were once escorted through a foreign airport by armed guards ready for deportation because he kicked off with airport staff). So, if he’s going to be in a stressed place, you and the kids will be in the firing line. What can you do to keep yourselves safe?
I tended to spend holidays being as meek and amenable as possible just to reduce the extent of outbursts. This is probably not something that the professionals would encourage, but it was a way of surviving with the least damage.

I really feel for you right now. Get as much advice as you can.
Stay safe xx

[Anonymous]

Hello Lightbulb Moment,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply. I do agree with you.

I own my house and am the main breadwinner, currently selling this house and will be purchasing the next one alone. I am (detail removed by moderator) but due back to work soon and he is (detail removed by moderator). The issue is getting him out without him taking the kids. He is always here so I am struggling to contact someone at WA and speak with them for a lengthy period.

The holiday is luckily only an hour’s drive away so within the UK, it is (detail removed by moderator) so he can’t be too loud due to neighbours at least.

I agree with you about being meek and amenable. He already asked me (detail removed by moderator) if I wanted to go alone with the kids when I don’t even want to go so asked him to go alone which he won’t. Everything is such a struggle with these man babies.

I hope you and your children are safe and happy and rid of him.

love and hugs to you x

[Bananaboat]

Oh gosh what a tough experience for you. Did anyone from the (detail removed by moderator) see/hear that incident? Did they help, could they report it?

Does he know you’re buying the next house in your own name? He could be sensing he’s losing you and this may trigger worsening abuse, so keep your phone safe on you at all times. My ex would do this with holidays, you can’t win and highly likely he will ruin it, mine took great pleasure in it. Protect your babies, the kids pick up more than we realise in these environments. Look after yourself too x

[Anonymous]

Hey Bananaboat,

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. No they didn’t, I was (detail removed by moderator) at the time.

He does yes but I think you’re into something about him sensing that he is losing me as I have applied for several (detail removed by moderator). He was very unsupportive and has since said he doesn’t want me to apply for any jobs as my job is at home (!) I have said that I was working when we met and I went back to work after my first child so if he wanted a stay at home mum, what would we live off, (detail removed by moderator)? Which angered him.

Oh they just love to make it all by themselves don’t they? We went away a few months ago and because he had issues (detail removed by moderator), he was so verbally abusive when I was the one that managed to open it in the end(!)

Thank you. I feel awful already with how much they have been exposed to especially they are both (detail removed by moderator). I have said to myself if he tries anything on this holiday, when we get back, I am asking him to move out and if he gets nasty following this then I am going to call the police. I have taken photos of my injuries and the ones inflicted by him a few weeks ago.

Love and hugs to you Bananaboat x

[Author]

Posts