• This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by Lisa.
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    • #153448
      Elishiva
      Participant

      I know, I know…they say ‘never say never’, but the thing is, after this, I just couldn’t possibly bother myself-even if it were to work.
      Before I married him, I was an (detail removed by moderator). While one would think that should have been enough for any woman with common sense, remember that there is also the saying ‘it’s lonely at the top’, and it’s true. Being a business person was not easy. It was quite stressful, and I was under a lot of decision making pressure, day in and day out. After having gone through that for long enough, and having already known that some things are more important than money, I started looking for a potential mate. Then enters my future husband… He was all charm before we married. After we were though, it became a nightmare. Quickly. I still find myself wondering whether to go back to him-he’s still all charm when I’m away from him, after all.
      When I moved away though, I started doing some of the things I had been doing, before I met him, without judgement. I never had figured out why he disapproved so much of my work, but he did. Once again, he showed me immediate disapproval when I told him I had done it. That was it. I can’t stand it anymore. After all, what harm is there in (detail removed by moderator)?

    • #153471
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Elishiva,

      Welcome to the forum.

      Abusers often disapprove of their partner’s work, sometimes putting on pressure to reduce hours or even making them leave work entirely. By reducing a woman’s financial independence she becomes more reliant on the abuser which gives him greater control. It’s also very isolating and removes a sphere of people where someone might notice that things aren’t right or from which a woman might get support to recognise and leave the abuse. On top of all that, a lot of people gain confidence through work and limiting that opportunity works to give the abuser more power. It’s usually less about disapproving of work and more about an abuser wishing to shrink their partner’s life so the abuser becomes the sole focus and the one with all the power and control.

      This is a kind of economic abuse. Surviving Economic Abuse have some good resources on their website to help people understand this aspect of domestic abuse.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

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