Never ending mental torture

[RainbowHope]

I really don’t what I want to say. I guess I just want to get the thoughts out of my head. I still can’t get my head around whether or not my marriage has been emotionally abusive. If it wasn’t previously, it certainly is now. Deep down I know I should never have got married, but that’s something I have to live with. Since telling my husband last year that I don’t want to be together anymore, things started ok and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my mind. Since then, things have got gradually worse and my mental health is really beginning to suffer.

Neither myself or husband have anywhere else to go, no money, no family or friends able to offer any help, either with somewhere to stay or financially. The last few weeks have been absolutely unbearable.(detail removed by moderator) The children know that somethings not quite right at home and are starting to ask questions as to why we don’t go out as a family anymore. It’s either me and the kids or him and the kids. He has absolutely forbidden me to tell them anything and expects me to live a lie and pretend to be a happy family until they leave home. I have told him I can’t do that and they won’t thank us for it but he won’t listen at all. He has also made it clear that I promised ‘until death us do part’. At that moment the penny dropped. I can’t see a way out unless either one of us dies. I don’t feel physically at risk from what came across as a threat, but I am absolutely distraught. I feel physically sick around him.

I’m doing everything I possibly can to get some money together to help me find a way out. We are joint tenants living in social housing. I have just got a second job and have an interview for a third job coming up that I haven’t told him about. We both have debts and poor credit so I can’t see a way to be able to find somewhere else to rent. He definitely won’t go, so I have to find somewhere for me and the kids.

I desperately want to see light at the end of the tunnel, but things just seem to be getting darker and darker.

[Eggshells]

Hi Rainbowhope

His threat is very concerning.

Sometimes, from the inside, it is difficult to recognise the danger you are in.

Your local authority is obliged to rehome you if you are in an abusive relationship but his comment about “death do us part” may be enough to get an occupation order to have him evicted.

Despite what he may think, he is not the boss and if you feel that it is best to tell your family, then tell them. He doesn’t get to control everything. Your children have clearly sensed that something is wrong and are likely to be on tenterhooks. Honesty is best, I think.

Please try the Women’s Aid chat line who will be able to point you in the right direction to get the help you need

[Bananaboat]

Check your tenancy agreement, mine states domestic abuse is not permitted in my property or something like that so could be a way to get him out, I’m not sure but as eggshells said, speak to your local council housing team for help! You’re right it’s not fair on the kids, or you to live like this and those threats and his behaviour appears to be escalating, he’s having his cake and eating it while rest of you suffer x

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