New and want to say Hello

[The lady Bird]

I found this forum a few days ago, and looking through the messages has help me so much. I have been talking to Woman’s Aid helpline, My husband is very good at manipulated situations. Everything got to me and I told him I wanted him to get out and our marriage was over, he turn the situation around and made me feel like it was me. I then doubted myself and begged for him to stay however he is now saying no he doesn’t love me. Since talking to Womans Aid I have go my head together. I am A lot happier and coping well with my stress however he keeps saying I am just putting it to the side. He says he is here to help and if I need support his there but as friends only……! Again playing with my emotions. Woman aid has said they will help me with housing however I still have joint contract with my husband for another (removed by moderator) months. I have a little girl who adores her daddy and has a great bond. I hope these next few months can go quick.

[unicornsarelovely]

Hi I was directed to this site by the helpline. I too have found it very useful and in a way validates what I have been through throughout my marriage and I what I’m still experiencing after we split up.
Have you looked into other housing? as I feel (removed by moderator) months is a long time to be in that situation, I hope there is some other way you can move on without having to wait all that time. Good luck x

[The lady Bird]

The helpline was fantastic. I will definitely have to look into housing just need to pick up the encouragement to make an appointment. It’s very hard now so yes the next (removed by moderator) months will be hell.

[Confused123]

Hi

WElcome to forum, i know it feels scary , just book that appointment, u never know u might be happy with support u receive , its not as half as bad as we think it is, your life will improve, and as for him saying he is here as a friend only, say thx u but im ok with us just been friends ( then u can say go and f off in your head) and smile and walk of.u will get loads of support here , post as much as u need to

[Nova]

Hi & welcome, we all support each other here..The Lady Bird, one step at a time..at least now your talking about your experiences and with WA and post on here. There’s loads of information about topics you may want to read up…and books..coercive control, trauma bonding, love bombing. Books such as Why does he do that, by Lundy Bancroft & The Dominator by Pat Craven. Give us better insight & help empower us.

Keep posting,
Cx

(Ps Confused123..LOL with the what we really think of them comment!, so true!)

[White Rose]

Hi lady bird. Well done! Keep moving forward and remember why you’re doing this. Don’t look back x*x

[The lady Bird]

Thanks for your replies. So all came out today he likes another much younger girl. He been with her must days and now nights. I don’t know how I feel about it. Sometimes I feel relief but then hurt. Worse thing is he still won’t leave the house. Keeps saying he can be my friend support me etc. He keeps wanting to tell me why he doesn’t love me again all blame on me etc. I hope God gives me the strength to get through this.

[The lady Bird]

I packed my bags and am finally out and away.

[Lisa]

Hi The lady Bird,

It must have taken a lot of courage to leave so well done. I hope you are now somewhere safe, please do let us know how you are when you can. The Helpline is also still available if you would like to talk about your options further.

Take care,

Lisa

[jsscollie]

Well done The Lady Bird. He doesn’t deserve to offload all of his actions onto you. Stay strong and keep going x

[Behappy]

Hi I left exactly (detail removed by Moderator) ago and the relief is amazing . I had forgotten what it was like to be happy .

I’m so glad you’ve been so strong and got out of the situation and even though everything will seem abit out of your control at the moment it is a hell lot better than being under someone else’s

Good luck my lovely x

[Confused123]

Hey HUn

|Welldone for packing and leaving yourself, let him sleep around with a new g friend, that just gave u the boost u needed to leave him, u r so much better then him, go no contact , sod his lets be friends excuse, nothank you , continue getting support and post as much as u need to

[The lady Bird]

I went back 🙁 and it’s been hell. I can’t understand how someone can been so nasty. Anyway tomorrow I see someone at womans aid, to and sort housing etc. This time I feel stronger and my head is now determined. When he says all does mean things like your nasty, play mind games, I need a doctor, I’m a unfit mother…. it’s all In one ear out the other. I believe he throws all these things at me to make me flip out so he can turn the blame on me…..

[Confused123]

HI HUn

Ignore his comments its only to boost his ego that u need him , make sure u go to your appointment and get the guidance u need, (detail removed by Moderator), this will help u underastand the kind of abuser he is

[The lady Bird]

So it’s been (detail removed by moderator) months since I posted last and things have been crazy.

So I got him out of the house, he moved in with his gf, tried to move on each day getting stronger and stronger, my little one suffered but I work on her and each day got better and better. However my ex got more difficult. He wouldn sort out anything legal, still played the victim, said he was depressed and suicidal, at one stage after me asking to sort out something legal for our daughters care he disappeared sent out “suicide text messages” was found by the police took to hospital released 1hr later. However the police also came to see me and while here he was sending abusive texts, the officer was fantastic and told me again to go back to woman’s aids, I spoke to a lovely lady explained the abuse I was receiving. Again I picked myself got on with life, now he wants back he said sorry and like a fool I believed it then, but woke up a few days later. I guess it was a relapse, but now the abuse continuous, and now going through our daughter “mammy doesn’t want daddy” I really don’t know when this will end. Again tomorrow I meet woman aid to try and under stand. It’s been (detail removed by moderator) months life was looking up for me and now it’s starting all over again

[lover of no contact]

Hi Lady Bird,

Welcome back to the Forum. Its great you posted. And it will help you so much to meet with Women’s Aid. The abusers are very good at hovering us back into the abusive relationship. They are experts at it. It has happened a lot of us. It is part of the dynamic. They don’t want to let their ‘victim’ US go as they have spent time and energy breaking us in and they get a ‘high’ out our distress and hurt. They are very manipulative. You got out of the abusive relationship once, you will do it again.

Keep posting for support.

[lover of no contact]

Your little girl saying ‘Mammy doesn’t want daddy’. Honestly these abusers definitely go to the same abuser school. My children said the same (after being under his influence). Its scary and hurtful but its these abusers using their children as weapons to hurt us.

[The lady Bird]

Thanks for the advice, luckily I’m not back with him, when he moved out I got house in my name. No claim on house, now he has broke up with gf he will be homeless soon. I put up with so much while married now all this using the child. The situation will only end when I end it….! Now if it’s not related to the child’s needs I just ignore what he says etc.

[lover of no contact]

Brilliant. Ignore, delete, block (essential tactics when dealing with a head-wrecker). Can you get a third party(friend/relative) to read his texts and relay to you only the information pertaining to your child? Then you will be preventing his nasty verbals getting into your head.

You can’t control what comes out of his mouth but you can control if it gains access to you .

[Author]

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