New here, wondering how to get out

[tootired34]

Hi I’m new here. I don’t know why but I still can’t see a way out. It has been years of bullying, being shouted at, told I’m stupid and useless. Now I am caring for him while he is chronically ill, earning all the money, keeping house, everything. Slowly fading away. Still nothing but abuse and threats. Constant bullying to get money from me as I slide into debt. He says he will report me as a domestic abuser too.

I don’t know why I am still here, and I don’t know how to get started. We are joint owners of the house and I am worried I will be paying for him for the rest of my life. He says I will because he can’t work. It feels like I will never get out. After years of writing down what he does and says, and understanding it is wrong, I am still relieved on the good days. I feel like we are getting over the problems.

How do I break this cycle?? I am desperate. Even now I feel guilty for posting this. It is exhausting. I don’t have friends or family close by that can help. I don’t know if I can face telling him I am done. I tried before and he just shouted me down. I don’t know what has happened to me, I just can’t move forward.

Would love any advice anyone has.

[Lisa]

Hi tootired34,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[tootired34]

Thank you Lisa, I will have a look at the Live Chat too.

[Marmalade]

Hi Tootired34

See a solicitor to get advice on your legal position so that you are aware of what could happen on a separation. It makes a very big difference financially potentially if you are married. You would benefit from some advice. See a solicitor who practises family law. Some offer the first 30 minutes free. If so, have lists of everything ready that you want to discuss so that you don’t waste any of the time.

You will then have some practical advice on your options. If you decide to stay, if he is so unwell that he needs a carer, would it be possible for someone to help with that role to give you a break? The responsibility and toll on you sounds enormous. Are there any carer support groups you could join?

Speak to LiveChat to get some support recommendations. Hopefully you can get some advice to enable you to make decisions . You deserve better than being treated in this way and you must be utterly exhausted.

 

[tootired34]

Thank you Marmalade, that sounds like a good idea. I really don’t know what could happen and I don’t know what my options are. I will see if I can get to a solicitor. Thanks for your reply I really appreciate it.

[Author]

Posts