New Hoping I'll finally free myself.

[Sandybeach]

Hello
Like another poster here what happened to me hap was many years ago.It has unfortunately ainfluenced all relationships since.I suffered mystical abuse as well as that playing with your mind thing.
II still feel attached to this person.I read about the love bombing and trauma bonding.
Here on your site and realised finally that was was it.
So I’m in no real danger at present.Except after all these years the person on question foufound me on the internet.Think he’s leaving me alone now but how can you get counseling for this?I don’t want to clogging up help line for women who are in danger but I need to finally get this out of my system.So glad I found your site.Hope someone might have time to reply .Thanks

[Sandybeach]

Sorry for bad spelling hope message can be underunderstood.Is there any telephone
counselling?Or group chat?

[SaharaD]

Hi Sandybeach and welcome.

Well done for getting out of the abusive relationship. Sorry to hear that your recovery journey has been slow.

Trust me when I say that you are not clogging up the helpline. It is there for everyone to offer support and advice and to signpost to relevant organisations.

The helpline will be able to refer you to organisations that help with the recovery from domestic abuse in your area.

There is also the Freedom Programme which you can do online or in a physical group. There is also a book to go with it that you can buy online. I have completed that.

My local Mental Health Trust has a Recovery College which helpfully has a course for abused women. I have completed that.

My abusive husband went to a Perpretrator Programme and I was referred to the women’s group there and specialised domestic abuse counselling. I completed my time in the women’s support group and I had a years counselling there with two female counsellors.

In my local area there is also a women’s group that was started for women who experience abuse and violence from a partner or a stranger. I go there still.

There are also several books out there to deal with recovering from abuse.

I also took about 2 years of being single as recommended by organisations to focus on myself and my recovery.

I’m still not fully recovered but I’m doing 100 times better than the first 3 months in the refuge!

I have a stable part time job, I managed to get stable accommodation with a housing association, I go to the gym and play football, I am debt free with a few savings, I date a few men on my terms and I attend my support groups (mental and womens) and I attend a few socials (movies, dinner, exhibitions, music nights, open mic nights, karaoke) a month.

I struggle with self-isolation, paranoia, eating properly, caring for my physical health (recently developed vitamin D deficiency, plantar faciitis and tennis elbow), budgeting and overspending, diary planning, paperwork, procrastination, sleep hygiene and anxiety and panic. I also take medication because I have a mental health condition which was made worse by the abuse and the trauma of having my life ripped apart when I gave up everything and fled to a refuge. I take an antidepressant and a sedating mood stabliser at night.

I’m trying to be really positve these days and if I can’t cope, I just have a duvet day or if I have to go to work, I take a sedative and get engrossed in the tasks at work.

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Sandy beach, my advice 100% is to not respond in any way, don’t start a dialogue or do anything. When you don’t respond he should back off. Any contact with these men is really damaging of your peace of mind. Well done for working through the trauma bonding & sticking to no contact.

[Sandybeach]

Dear Sahara D and Healthy archive

Thank you for responding.Yes I will call the helpline soon.I only wish I had talked about what happened years ago and got help then
Luckily for me it had just started to get pysical with me I was v young,and he was very violent to another family member of his.I thought he’ll do that to you I’d you don’t leave.I had no kids.
Well I see Sahara D you seem to be enjoying life life now well mostly, so good for you.
Wow you went to a refuge,thats goid you are recovering now.Healthy Archive thanks for the advice.
I think this person has probably moved on
onto another now,poor them.I’m not
available for different reasons.Very far away
is one reason.
I won’t respond I had to fight myself though
although I know these men have no consience.
I suppose he might surface again though in some
years so that’s why I want to finally
get help.Well thanks I’m excited that I finally
found out about trauma bonding.I did discuss
it with some friends but they had no idea.
How I was feeling still about this situation
after so many years.

[Author]

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