New relationship

[Tracker]

Hello, i havent been on here for over a year now. I thought i were okay, strong and over it so i started dating. Met someone really nice, had quite a few dates but i fear i have blown it now because of past experiences leaving me anxious, and scared. Basically i keep getting insecure thag if he is too busy to see me then he isnt inferested or i think my shyness is putting him off. This made me stupidly end it before i thought i would get hurt but i instantly regretted it and ended up hurting him when he aaid he only wanted to make me happy and he didnt see it coming but accepts it. Except i didnt really want to end it, my insecurities from being manipulated and gaslighted and abused in the past took over and made me end it even thougg he has done nothing wrong and is genuinely nice with nk red flags. I feel i just dont know what a healthy relationship is and how to juat chill and enjoy what we have instead of finding negatives that arent there

[Tracker]

He said we can meet up soon and talk about it after i said i regretted it and only done it becaise of my fears and anxieties. I have said i had bad relationship but never gone into detail

[Lisa]

Hi Tracker,

Thanks for posting. Please try not to be too hard on yourself; what you’ve explained is a completely understandable reaction when you have previously been traumatised by abuse. It is your instinct telling you that you needed to retreat a bit, to protect yourself. I appreciate it might be frustrating but it may be that you have to accept you’re not quite ready for a relationship, or you need to take it really slowly. Women’s Aid have a general suggestion of leaving at least two years before another relationship, because it really does take time to heal and to build up one’s self esteem and independence. If this man is a good person he will listen and respect your need to end things or to take your time.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Author]

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