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Since leaving my abuser a few years ago, I have been in a new relationship for (detail removed by moderator). I am very aware of everything that’s being said and all actions. I feel like I have a constant wall up as I’m waiting for it to go wrong. Recently he has been asking that I tell him if a man speaks to me at work and if someone adds me on social media. I have told him that it goes against what I told myself I’d never do again since leaving my abuser. Last night I had the overwhelming sense of this is early signs and I became heartless again. It’s like I detach from myself and I’m empty. He kept saying I’m difficult to be with and he can’t understand why I am the way I am. Has anyone else experienced this? I just feel like I’m so hyper aware of everything my new partner is doing and then doubt myself when I try to defend myself in an argument. How do I stop thinking that I’m going to end up in the same situation?
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during our abusive relationships especially at the beginning we either didnt see or chose to ignore the many red flags that may have surfaced. so its only natural that you will be more aware of what to now take notice of & act upon. i would have thought a good, kind, decent, caring partner would respect your concerns & any boundaries you now feel need to be in place – saying youre being difficult & that he cannot understand why you are the way you are isnt a very good response. and its concerning that you are left feeling guilty too
do you feel you were healed enough to enter into a new relationship at the time because sometimes when its too soon you can be severely triggered but still not be strong/confident enough to realize/accept that someone isnt safe. otherwise its whether you give this relationship more time to see what else comes up & how your new partner responds x
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