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[Meredith.grey.anatomy]

I’m new here.

I had been with my partner for (timeframe removed by Moderator). We own a home together, we’ve lived together for years. Quite a few months back, I was assaulted badly. I was beaten, had things thrown at me, a knife was branded, and I had my head smashed (detail removed by Moderator). I could have died and if it wasn’t for whatever sheer luck I had that night, I didn’t hit the back of my head on (detail removed by Moderator).

He had been drinking, there had been crossed words and I was highly upset as he had openly told somebody he felt he didn’t like me, which I questioned and he became angry, he just lost it. He said things all of the time, stuff I questioned because he lied constantly. It started with verbal abuse (this happened a lot of the time even without alcohol, he would call my family horrible names, call me thick, laugh at the way I looked, tell me he wouldn’t wanna come near me because I am disgusting, I’m a loser)…He even convinced me (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago that I was mental and I ended up referring for counselling because I worried I was mental. Psychologist deemed me sound of mind and expressed concerns but I was just happy to be told I wasn’t mad.

I wasn’t alone during this incident, a friend was with me and sadly, they got assaulted too.

All of this just completely boggles me. I can’t understand why he did what he did, and why he’s done all of these things over the years. All I have ever done is go to work, do the shopping, clean the house, cook, wash, iron, make the house a home, give him freedom to go anywhere he wants, had times on my own where he’s isolated me and left me- no invitation to attend any social event. He would not necessarily tell me I couldn’t go anywhere but I always felt it wasn’t appropriate to arrange things with friends as my house and his needs came first. If I went anywhere, he would fall out with me prior and I’d go out upset and it would ruin my plans. My friends never commented but they knew he would upset me.

Part of me wants an apology, I want to know the reason behind this behaviour but I don’t think I’ll ever get an answer. As time goes on, I wake up thinking of him less. The sense of love is dwindling as I feel it was all a lie. I just don’t understand why anybody would portray a perfect life, encourage you to buy a home, propose to you and never want to fully commit, and just be so cruel to another person who only wants to be loved.

I can’t remember off the top of my head now a time he was actually nice to me. All the memories just seem to be so mushed together I can’t think.

I am now stuck in our home as I can’t sell until we both agree, mediation isn’t acceptable due to the violence and previous history of manipulation.

He was the main earner, promised me never to worry about anything just to contribute where I could and he would take care of me. I just feel stupid.

I have spent (timeframe removed by Moderator) of my life with this person, I have no idea how I’ll ever move forward and be able to be loved.

I never thought this would ever happen to me. I just don’t really know how to wake up one morning and not feel like my life changed overnight.

Sorry it’s a lot to read and take in. I hope you all are okay and thank you for letting me post on here x

[Sad and alone]

Your post rings a lot of bells. You’re not alone. Sadly I have spent over twice the amount of time you have with my other half. Not all of that time was bad, although he makes out it was now, but I refuse to believe we didn’t have a good period. How I could’ve been so stupid for so long. He twists things around and tries to make me doubt myself and my memories. But when it gets to this stage you do feel like it’s all been a waste.

It sounds like you’re in between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Have you agreed to go separate ways? Is he refusing to sell? It may be an idea to do a live chat here where someone could give you some guidance. It’s all very overwhelming I know. So sorry this has happened to you. To have everything you believed turned upside down is not fair, and not your fault.

[Meredith.grey.anatomy]

Hi. Thanks for your reply.

Whilst I agree, there were sporadic times of “good” it’s all tainted now. Currently, my perpetrator is not allowed to come near me or live at the property as orders are in place. We have not spoken in quite a while now since the incident and I have no intention to do so as he has frightened me and I can’t shake the fear away.

Ive sought a solicitor who has instructed me to do certain things, I’ve managed to get a case worker, I’ve applied for certain orders to keep me safe, and I’ve advocated for myself throughout as services haven’t followed their own set conditions for safety. It’s been hard.

I aim to get the house on the market once i can get a legal letter sent and he agrees to put the property on the market.

I feel emotionally drained constantly it’s an inward battle trying to organise things to keep myself safe and stable, and recover at the same time.

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