New to the Forum

[Cornish1]

Hi, I am new to the forum. Last year I left an abusive relationship. I was with this man for (removed by moderator) years. It started off as emotional abuse, name calling, gaslighting, manipulation. Then after (removed by moderator) we moved in together and this is where it became physical. I never spoke to anyone about what was happening and not even my friends or family. He would isolate me, I wouldn’t leave the house for weeks because of the damage he had done. When I left I was (removed by moderator) years of age and I suppose i felt so many emotions to come forward about what was happening. And honestly still to this day, I have only told a selective amount of people.
I am currently undergoing counselling due to having severe PTSD, anxiety and depression.

I wanted to join the app to connect with other people who have been through similar things, as I know talking about things like this can be so so hard.

Thank you

[Confusedeveryday]

Hi. Thanks for taking the time to share your story. What you have been through sounds so difficult and you have shown amazing strength to get to where you are today. Keep going with it. You deserve to live a life free from fear.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi and welcome to the forum Cornish1…
You have done so well to leave, I am sorry your partner abused you and hurt you… yes we know what that feels like on here, you really are not alone.
Post as much or as little as ypu want when you are ready 🤗
HFH ❤️

[Lisa]

Hi Cornish1,

Welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place to share your experience in a safe space where other women will be able to relate to how you are feeling.

You have done so well to leave the abuse, which we all know here, is not an easy thing to do. It’s great to hear you have professional psychological support to ensure your mental health is being prioritised. Healing and processing all that you went through will take time, as many of the women here will attest to.

If you ever feel able or wanting to engage in other types of emotional support that specialise in domestic abuse, The Freedom Programme can be good for understanding the dynamics of it. It is an 11 or 12 week rolling programme which provides information about male violence to women. This programme identifies the tactics abusers use, the beliefs held by abusers, and the effects that domestic abuse can have on women and children. The Freedom Programme is for women who have experience of domestic abuse, be it in their personal or professional lives. You can start the programme at any time, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you choose. Each session is entirely confidential, and you can contribute as much, or as little, of your own thoughts and experiences as you like. Many women find this a very useful support group as it is available to women whether they are experiencing current or past abuse. The Freedom Programme is run in many locations across the UK.

Again, welcome and thank you for sharing. You are not alone in your journey.

Take care,

Lisa

[Purplehairdontcare]

Hi, I’m new to the forum, it’s so good to have someone to talk to
My husband was in a job that came with a house, (detail removed by moderator)
My husband had an affair (detail removed by moderator) and he asked if I’d take him back I did for the sake of the children (I know) since then I’ve had every type of abuse you can think of, I’m ashamed to say two were sexual. Fast forward to last year and my husband decided to look her up and they have been chatting ever since, he’s still been vile towards me in that time. (detail removed by moderator) he left me a note saying when he gets back he’ll work hard on the relationship to be a better husband, father and grandfather. I don’t want that. Emotionally I’m all over the place, I’ve written an email which I will send him a few days before he comes home but I still feel a bit scared of his reaction despite having rows regularly about her. I need to find some strength from somewhere.

[Twitcher]

Hi Purplehaircdontcare,

I think you’ve posted on the end of another posting my lovely and the wonderful ladies on here might miss your post to give support and advice to you. Take care x*x

[Hazydayz]

Hi Purplehairdontcare, welcome to the forum. I’m messaging you to say your being read and heard here. I’m sorry to read what your going through, and have been through. It’s really draining your energy that’s obvious to me, but I want to offer you some extra support and advice if you feel you haven’t received as much as you hoped to receive here. Adding to someone’s post is not the best route to get support for yourself. My advice is to post your own heading on… New to the forum heading. You’ll hopefully get your much needed replies. If your having a particularly bad day, post on Having a bad day, supportive and helpful replies should role in hopefully. Either one of those posting places will guarantee your posting will get seen. Hopefully you’ll get the strength your needing from supportive replies.
Hope you find the strength to stay strong💞

[Twitcher]

Hi Cornish1,

You’ve done so well for finding even more strength to reach out on this forum, it takes a lot of courage to talk about all the abuse and the effects it has on our mental health.
I haven’t been posting for very long but the amazing ladies on here have helped more than I can say. It took me many years to finally open up about the abuse I have experienced and like you only a handful of people know. You are doing amazing well, having professional support to help you process the trauma and having the incredible strength to leave, you should be so proud of yourself my lovely. I’m sure you’ll get loads of support and help off here, stay strong, take it day by day, you deserve so much more. Sending you lots of love x*x

[Cornish1]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your response! Yeah it took me a while to process what had actually happened to me, I was so in-denial at first and never opened up to anyone. It’s only recently that I have been processing what actually happened. You are so strong and powerful also! Always here for you and many others on this forum!
Sending lots of love xx

[Twitcher]

Hi Cornish1,

I completely understand lovely that it takes a lot to process but you’re doing amazing well. I wasn’t even aware it was abuse until last year after I hit rock bottom and was having counselling for depression and I also didn’t leave the house for 6 months. Like you I’m having abuse counselling now and even with this I still can’t stop blaming myself even though all the abusers traits are there. I’m divorcing my husband but still living together so I still get the spiteful, hateful words off him. It breaks my heart to read on here all the pain and hurt they’ve caused us. I hope we can give each other strength to get through this dark part and get back into the light, stronger, at peace and find our happiness again, lots of love to you x*x

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Hi
I’m new on here.
Managed to get the courage to say don’t come back to my abusive ex and with support of friends and family reported him to the police.
It was so hard but cathartic at the same time.
I cried on the policeman and was just exhausted at the end of giving my statement.
I’m waiting on the police to gather information after arresting him and he has bail conditions.
I have managed no contact and have had safety measures out in place and lots of support.
It’s the waiting and everything still being out of my control that I’m struggling with.
And wondering what he is doing. Whether he realises or will ever realise how badly he has treated me and my children and our joint child who is tiny.
On top of this my landlord is selling so have no where to live. I was told the council would be in contact.
Everything is so up in the air.
I just want to sleep.
What happens with the police? Does anyone have experience in this?
And I found out from a mutual friend he’s back at (detail removed by moderator) blaming everyone but himself for him not being able to see his child
Thank you for listening

[Cornish1]

Hi lovely,
You are honestly so so brave for reporting this to the police. I think many of us know how difficult this is.
I’m honestly not sure of the process in regards to the police.
But I can imagine you are feeling such a range of emotions. I just wanted to remind you that you are such a brave strong individual!!
Sending love x

[Cornish1]

Hi,

Thank you all for you lovely messages, it’s so sad to read and see so many beautiful women experiencing the same things. I’m so glad a forum like this can be created for us to have a safe space to talk about how we are feeling and help and advise eachother in many ways.
I have considered about reporting the abuse to the police but due to a lack of evidence I withheld however not that long ago I received a message from him admitting the abuse he had done. I don’t want the police to contact him – but is there a way I can report this for records to prevent this from happening to someone else? Could someone help in regards to advice for this please xx

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Thank you for replying Cornish.

His ex said he wasn’t abusive or violent to her.
That their relationship was lovely – prob like mine and his at the beginning.

I’m wondering if she’s lying, didn’t recognise it as abuse or whether he saved it all up for me as it really began when he got me pregnant.

But I’m so angry with her telling me it’s a ‘you’ problem.
No it’s not that’s the thing with abusive it’s a ‘him’ problem!

Why did he begin being abusive with me? Was it because I was pregnant?

Just trying to get my head round it all

Thanks again

[Twitcher]

Hi Hopingforabetter2023,

I’m so pleased you’ve reached out to this amazingly, supportive forum. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through such a terrifying time but you have shown such strength in telling him not to come back, even when we try to get free from them we’re still living in fear about where they are, what will they do next, its relentless. Keep leaning on your support network and let the police know everything that doesn’t feel right. Regarding the ex partner my husband was married before and always blamed his ex wife for all the problems, I just can’t see how you or I would make them suddenly abusive. Try to take it step by step, try not to listen to what others say, this has never been your fault, you’re a beautiful, strong woman that’s just been unlucky, like all the other amazing women on here and got a ‘wrong un” lots of love to you x*x

[Twitcher]

Hi lovely,

I’m not sure about reporting them anonymously but I know you have 4 years to do so, Refuge told me this after my husband did something really disturbing that should of been reported but at the time I couldn’t go through with it x*x😔

[Anonymous]

HI Cornish 1,I am Springdancer and am new too. What you are experiencing is completely normal and very similar to my own experiences. I don’t think people realise that the effects of Domestic Abuse doesn’t just end when you leave your abuser, but it does get better with time.
Meanwhile take all the help you can because it is much better to get these feelings out. I didn’t even tell my own family for (detail removed by Moderator) years, and now I think that’s so ridiculous, but at the time you feel so low and
exhausted by the whole thing and afraid of repercussions that you just let it go.
But keep going, it does get better, and time gives you more perspective, the abusers are the weak ones needing to do what they do, and cowards because they do it behind closed doors.

[Author]

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