New to the forum

[Sprite]

Hello, I’m new to the forum, I was advised by family to find a group with people going through the same kind of thing. They’ve been great in supporting me and giving me a safe place to stay but do not really understand the depths of what I’m feeling or going through.  I feel unable to open up too much as they get upset and angry for me and I find it difficult to cope with very much  I’ve been holding it all in and trying to forge through the difficulties facing me while this is all going on. I was doing ok but then one of my dogs was brutally attacked by another dog and I’ve put all my energy into his recovery  but I now find myself unable to deal with the situation I’m in  I’ve had to leave my life and move across the country to be safe, need to return to the area I was living in so I can return to work to support myself and my dogs, but nowhere has any places I can go to, especially with dogs, they are all I have left from my life.  I’m hoping to meet others on here to talk with and share experiences with. Sorry to go on about just me, we are all in the same boat, I just wanted to say hello, I’m here and willing to talk

[EvenSerpentsShine]

It sounds really tough. But it sounds like you have exactly the tenacity and resources to survive this and build a good life for yourself.

A week or two after I left it all caught up with me. It was like a wave crashing over me. I was exhausted (but couldn’t sleep more than a few hours a night because I was so anxious!) and tearful and deep in trauma.

Just take care of yourself and work on getting through the next few weeks as best you can. There is probably loads of paperwork and organizing to do, so just do the best you can.  Give yourself nice treats and things to look forward to, even if it’s only a hot water bottle and a book each evening for an hour. It’s enough.

Focus on moving one step forward at a time. Challenge yourself a bit on days when you feel good, to do more and push forward a bit on long term plans and things you find more difficult.

There are charities who will ‘foster’ your animals (especially dogs). They find them a loving home until you are ready to have them back. The Dogs Trust do this, and there is another one too who’s name I’ve forgotten.

I’ll look it up for you.

How are you feeling about what’s going on at the moment for you?

[Sprite]

Hello Wmevenserpentsshine

Thank-you for your response, I’mswinging between numbness and frustration right now, there are so many obstacles in the way to get anything resolved, but I’m in regular contact with my oic and I’ve updated my doctor on the impact its all having g on my kife. Thanks for the tip about the dogs trust, I did speak to them earlier today and whole its not ideal to foster them out its really good to know that potion is there. (legal detail removed by Moderator)  How do you cope with all that goes on during this time, I dontbknow about you but I do get angry at myself for being in this position and then angry with my ex for putting me in this position.  How are you doing?, I hope you’re getting the support you need

[EvenSerpentsShine]

I don’t know anything about the process that you have to go through which you mentioned, but in general terms I have heard of women in my group who have been very upset by these kinds of ‘court’ sessions. The advice that I’ve heard is that you just have to be yourself and not worry too much if you come across as a bit stressed or anxious as people will be able to judge the effect that it’s having on you, and if you’re a bit upset it won’t do you any harm. My own take on this would be to prepare by working out the main points that you want to get across and keep to that. Try not to go off into irrelevant information, keep it succinct and evidence based if you can. Stick to facts and express them clearly and succinctly.
Maybe even keep to clear statements about your motivations. If you ended the relationship, for example, you may say something like, his behaviour had become confrontational and I was frightened for my safety, and then have prepared an example of something which happened, to illustrate that. I’m using that as an example obviously what you say will depend on what your actual reasons were. But distill it down to core emotions and fears.
In general abusers often use these kind of situation to cause us pain.
just take it one step at a time.
it feels a lot to cope with at first but every time you succeed at one of these tasks you’ll feel a bit better and more capable of taking on the next one.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Ps. I don’t know about anyone else but I have found that being angry had been a good motivation for me.
My personal take on that would be, “hold onto the anger!“  Just find a way to channel it into actions which are more and more about YOUR future and you moving forward and getting the results and the life you want.

[Sprite]

Thank-you, I am angry, I’ve been pushing it down and holding it in but it’s getting harder and I feel myself going inwards again to avoid lashing out, I was doing ok but then one of my dogs was brutally attacked by another just over a week ago and needed (timeframe removed by Moderator) hours of surgery to save him, I’ve suffered flashbacks since which has triggered flashbacks to the abuse I recently escaped from, Thank-you so much for your advice, I’ll take that all on board and channel everything I’ve got left into beating this and rebuilding my life, thankyou

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