New to the forum and feeling very low

[Scared and sad]

Hi, so glad to be part of this forum and to be amongst those that understand the hurt I am feeling. I have been emotionally abused for some three or more years and been aware that this is the case for a few months now. The situation is worsening and I’m close to getting out but just can’t let go to the final remnants of this toxic relationship. I feel so helpless and afraid of what the future holds and I have no idea how to progress. I feel so o very sad right now. How do I get through thi this.

[KIP.]

Gather support. Talk to your local women’s aid to make a safe exit plan.

[Scared and sad]

Thank you. I am in a relationship with someone who has covert n********t traits. He has a wonderful public persona but with me he uses silent treatment a lot, withholds affection and gaslighting . The worst part is he constantly ends the relationship and then makes up. He has done this some 20+ times in (removed by moderator) years. Each time he takes something away. Initially we lived together on equal terms in a shared tenancy rented property. Then we moved to a house that he solely owned but we were on mostly equal terms. Once we settled in the house he would frequently threaten to make me move out if I “stepped out of line”. I then moved out but stayed a couple if nights each week and weekends. This has now been reduced to just (removed by moderator) and I don’t even have a key. I know it is ridiculous that I stay with him but I just can’t seem to let go.

[Lisa]

Hi Scared and sad,

Welcome to the forum. We’re glad you felt you could access this forum and use it as a safe space to share your experience. You are not alone in this.

We know it’s hard to leave an abusive relationship, so know there are also specialist services that support women through this difficult time. It’s always good to have a chat with your local domestic abuse service who will understand how you feel and take you through all your options for leaving safely. This is a free service, so use them on-going as you need. They offer emotional as well as practical help. If you do not have anywhere else to go once you leave, ask your local service to explain what a refuge is to see if this would be a possible option for you.
It’s normal to feel hurt and afraid of the future. For extra emotional support and assurance, you can call Supportline, who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse.
Do keep posting here to let us know how you are moving forward.
Take care,

Lisa

[Scared and sad]

Thank you for this. I really appreciate your advice and support.

[Cocktails3]

Dear scared and sad
I just wanted to say hello and I know exactly how you feel. On a rational level it all seems so simple but emotionally it is so very hard. I am struggling to keep no contact and break the cycle and habit. I am going to give supportline a call as think that sounds helpful. All the best

[Scared and sad]

Thank you. It’s so comforting to talk with you and others that really understand how difficult this feels. I hope the helpline is good for you and provides the support you need. Keep safe.

[Author]

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