New to the realisation & forum

[FindingMemo]

Hi all. It’s early days since I’ve finally recognised and accepted that I’m in an abusive relationship with my husband. I have known for decades that my MIL was emotionally abusing me but felt that I could handle that. (As background info his parents moved in with us so I can look after them). However, I am now feeling so ill and tired that enough is enough. I’m in debt up to my eyeballs thanks to the OH & will have to rely on him to clear most of it. My main worry is my teenage son. He is not happy and is likely to want to stay with the family. He, like others have said on the forum, is using the put-down language his dad uses, which makes me so sad. I know that he has the potential to be such a lovely person if he hadn’t been in the cluches of the family- and I’ve let it go on. I have reached the stage of not having friends, time for myself, any self esteem or identity. Grieving, confused & angry but trying to be hopeful for the future. He is such an idiot! Doesn’t he realise what he is loosing?

[Lisa]

Hi FindingMemo,

I just wanted to show you some support and say welcome to the Forum. It’s understandable why you’d be feeling so confused and angry at the moment; by the sounds of it your husband’s had a really negative impact on your son. Unfortunately we’re hearing more and more of children copying their perpetrators and becoming abusive . You really need to be looking after yourself here. Have you reached out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support? They might be able to give you a 1:1 worker who can meet up with you away from the home and talk through an exit plan.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[FindingMemo]

*btw the idiot is the hubby not my boy!

I tried contacting a couple of da services today. One was not taking referrals, another number would not pick up and the third I am waiting for a call back. The CAB were helpful though. I will try again tomorrow.

[standtogether]

Hi Finding Memo,

Welcome to the forum, it’s such a supportive place and your doing the right thing posting and sharing. I’m so sorry for all your going through. I know it’s such a confusing time but recognising the abuse is a good place to start making things better for you u and your son.

Unfortunately I don’t think they do realise what they are loosing or why they ever really had. You and your son deserve a lot more. Definitely keep trying to speak to these services and get as much as you can.Xx

[Kitkat44]

Hi Memo
Wanted to reach out as I too am worried about the affect on all my child but one son in particular seems to be very much like his dad. I’m so cross with myself that I dint have the courage tell him to go.
I hope you managed to talk to someone and feel you have a way to get out.
Xx

[Author]

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