New year resolution

[Secret6]

I’ve decided I will leave my partner next year. We have been together for over (detail removed by Moderator) years. He has always been controlling and I allowed it and didn’t even realise how unusual our relationship was until the past few years. I have been isolated from what is left of my family for years and have no friends at all. We are both retired and I am barely ever alone and would not be able to talk on the phone as he would hear.
He thinks it is all good and that we are happy and we don’t need a life outside of each other and I have learned to live this way but hate it
I have savings and can afford to leave but I have no support and because he has always done everything (and I have let him) I am hopelessly impractical.
I am terrified because I don’t know how to leave or what to do but I know inside that I have to and try and have some sort of life of my own before I’m too old.
He has never been violent but has a temper and I am always “walking on eggshells” to keep the peace. I have lost myself for the sake of a quiet life.

[minimeerkat]

isolating us makes it so much easier for them to control us. also that isolation contributes towards an unhealthy dependency upon them. so its understandable that you are lacking confidence when you have lived this way for so long
my local da service helped me to see a way forward, eventually putting me onto a solicitor experienced in domestic abuse so that things like the property could be dealt with
i felt completely stuck myself but talking to the right people can help you see that there is certainly a way out. there is hope
hope you feel able to contact the help & support that is there for you x

[Secret6]

Talking. Actually talking to someone on the phone or in person is impossible for me. He’d hear on the phone and I don’t go out by myself so I could never go somewhere or meet anyone.
I am desperate. I don’t know where to turn and I can’t see a way out or how to find it

[minimeerkat]

oh sweetheart, i am so sorry to hear how incredibly difficult this feels for you
is there any way you could use the live chat on this site at all? or even email the site – both options can be found on the main site page
i have been left completely alone & isolated because of the abuse, so please know that i do understand how this feels – i even became agoraphobic
i really do hope that one of these options might be a way for you to connect with the support you so desperately need – do you feel it might be possible & fairly safe to contact them this way. hope with all my heart you can
thinking of you x

[Secret6]

Thank you. I tried the live chat option but there was a wait and I couldn’t at the time. It’s about finding the moments when it is possible. I will definitely try again at another time. Right now I’m determined not to hurry. It will be so difficult and I want to be as prepared as possible, if I can

[nbumblebee]

Set up an email account DONT leave it signed in you must log into each time. Then email womans aid they take a while to answer via email but they will.
You can also do this with other organisations like the samaritans.
Do it whilst you are on the loo or in the bath thats where i do this. You dont have to be alone there are people out there who can help but you have to be the one to reach out sweetie.
Keep talking on here we are always about to listen never feel alone.
Stay safe xxxx

[Secret6]

Setting up a secret email is a good idea. I will do that. Thank you. Clearly I’m not thinking straight, I should have done that, but I will

[nbumblebee]

Hey its ok with what we have to go through its no wonder our heads a mess.
Its ok you know we all get it and we are all here.
Stay safe xxxxx

[Author]

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