Newbie

[Cocktails3]

Hi all
I am new to the forum and wanted to say hi. I am feeling trapped and hopeless in my situation. I have managed to get my partner out of the house but am still in the cycle of abuse and In contact with him. I know I need to go no contact but feel sick at the thought of it. I don’t understand why I chase after him when he is so emotionally and physically abusive to me. I feel he has such a hold over me and I worry I will never be free of him. So overwhelmed and confused.

[Lisa]

Hi Cocktails3

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting. It is normal to feel like this, the cycle of abuse can be very confusing. I hope things start to get easier for you in time.

You are doing really well by reaching out for support as this will help you. You could also contact your local domestic abuse service for some support if you haven’t already, you can find their details here; https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Take care and please keep posting on the forum to let us know how you are,

Lisa

[Cocktails3]

Thanks Lisa

[Whyohwhy]

It’s really hard to break the chains. If you haven’t children with him then I would say really try the zero contact as time apart will help make you stronger. Try and start doing the things you wished you could do but were never able, remind yourself what a normal life can be like free of fear and anxiety. Read books on domestic abuse so you can learn his tricks so that you don’t fall for them and so you don’t fall into the same trap with someone else. I personally like ‘why does he do that’. Stay strong, you can do this.

[Wakemeup]

The intermittent highs and lows and infrequent’nice’ side cause a trauma bond and cognitive dissonance. I’ve found listening to videos about this on YouTube helpful. And also by somebody verifying that why you’re feeling is also from abuse makes it easier to not want to repeat and repeat and repeat . It’s almost like there were never any really positive or nice moments because it was manipulation just like the bad moments and insults and everything else. It also made me realise that I’m exhausted because I’m constantly stressed and nervous and anxious and it’s become such a normal emotion I didn’t pay it any mind . And some days I’m startled really easily . It’s hyper vigilance because you’re constantly in an aroused state on eggshells and tenderhoooks

[Cocktails3]

Thanks everyone. I have no ties to this person but just cannot break the cycle.

[Author]

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