No justice and it’s making me upset

[Anonymous]

Hi ladies, I hope you are all safe and well on this rainy Monday.

My abusive relationship ended a few years ago but it happened in a patriarchal country that doesn’t have the same domestic violence laws as the UK. My partner was also in a position of authority.

I reported the situation to the police because it became very violent and he made death threats. I wish I hadn’t because it made everything worse. Cases take years to get to court in the country I was in and it seems I could be waiting 3-4 years. I can imagine that my report made him really angry as he is countersuing me.

I filed numerous reports about stalking and the police never took me seriously so I decided to leave the country a few months ago. I was too scared and it was having a serious impact on my mental health.

This comes after moving house to get away from him and him still managing to find where I was living. I don’t use social media for my personal life but have accounted for the business I manage. I presume he keeps finding that, and I cannot make it private. Unless I change my entire business name and branding because of him

I left him so long ago but I hate having this entire situation hanging over my head. I feel that I can never relax and I am always waiting for him to pop up again. Not only have I had to relive it again and again, but I also hate that I am being countersued when I have done nothing wrong.

I don’t understand wanting to control and knowing what someone is up to years later. I changed all my numbers, made my social media private, and have been in no contact for over a year. I am out of that country now and will never go back. But I just want it to be over.

[KIP.]

You’re right that you have done nothing wrong and his counter suit is simply to muddy the waters. Do you have a support network in place. Womens Aid? A charity to support women going through this. Paladin? Google some local ones and see if they can offer support. It’s a shame it takes so long to get to court but he will also have thing hanging over his head. Keep building a support network and try to distract yourself from this when you can. Did you receive counselling? Remember you’re so much stronger and not the same woman he abused. You know how his game is played and how pathetic he is. It might be worth talking to someone who knows about international law and see if there’s something that can be done. Start with women’s aid or Rights for Women x

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