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I managed today to get myself removed from the joint account!!! No longer have the weight of household costs over me for somewhere I am not living.
The banks specialist team were so supportive, do make sure you ask to speak to them as most banks will have teams trained to help us. Just one provider I am waiting to hear back from, but thankfully that is a small monthly bill.
#MovingOn
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Spiritedaway they have helped me tremendously this week. They gave me something to live off as my ex took everything including wat was in joint bank ac. Swanlake when I went in the bank the lady didn’t seem interested!! However when I rang the department for dv at the bank they did more than just give me something to live off!! They sorted numbers out for different organisations. It’s just a never ending task of filling forms out. Hope ur all well 💗
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Funny-ish story about banking…
A few years back, I was having trouble getting a savings account due to legislation in my home country.
So while we were breaking up, my husband assumed that I would be ‘stuck’ with the joint account. There has already been a significant history of financial abuse from him. So he was making all of these grand gestures around how he’d be very respectful of spending out of the joint account since I was stuck with it. How magnanimous of him.
Meanwhile… I applied for a current account and was accepted! And then I got my paychecks sorted for going into my current account. Some amazing milestones there in getting our finances separated!
So a few days later, my husband tells me that he’s gotten himself a separate current account and he had questions about what we would be doing with the joint account now? The look on his face when I revealed that I had a current account as well where my paychecks will be going and that we would be splitting household and child expenses 50/50 there after.
My husband had not been working for a long while. Earlier in our relationship, he talked about wanting an early retirement. Then he stopped working. And a big point of contention between us was that we were not financially stable enough for him to retire. I hustled at work, big time and got my salary nearly (detail removed by Moderator) in the time that he’s has been out of work. And on that salary, we were only just barely making it where I’ve been paying for everything.
Over that time, I asked him for help. I asked him to get on benefits, which he flatly refused. There were so many times I feared that I would have to go into debt to support the children and household while he sat back, napped, played games, and felt sorry for himself.
He thought he was in control there… but he wasn’t… and he was angry at me about it for days. I wrote up an agreement for his portion of expenses for the children and his portion of the household bills. I’ve saved the email thread where he and I are negotiating those out, in writing. Unsurprisingly, he’s not paid in for his portion of household bills (detail removed by Moderator). That’ll be on record with the joint account.
He’s finally being made to pay for things. He started a new job and has been ‘splashing’ out a bit with the children, meanwhile grumbling to me about how he has “spent a fortune” on treats for the children… love-bombing them.
Finding some freedom from the joint account is a huge milestone and so liberating! And I am glad to hear that so many banks are DV trained and will act accordingly, should it come the time when I go asking.
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