Nobody believes me

[Secret6]

When I say I have no friends, no family, nobody to speak to. Or when I say I don’t have the opportunity to make phone calls because I’m never alone.
Can’t you ring? Can’t you pack a bag? Can’t you go to a friend or family? They say, even when I’ve told them.
No, I can’t.
Emails are no use. Spent time composing emails only to get generic, non specific replies.
I am absolutely at the end of my tether. Because my “abuse” is not physical, because I am retired and have some savings. I feel like nobody thinks I am worth helping. Like they think I should just give up.
Maybe I should, but I’m so unhappy and trapped.
Why won’t anybody help me? I don’t understand

[maddog]

Domestic abuse is so isolating and lonely and widely misunderstood. It’s complex and absolutely not your fault. You are worth helping. You really are. Do you have a local Women’s Aid? Please speak to your gp about your domestic situation. Victim Support are helpful as well. Your local police force may have a Domestic Abuse team to guide you to local support. You can contact them through 101.

I find with my own family that it’s so much easier for them to victim blame me for things I had no control over, like other people.

Nobody ‘just leaves’ an abusive relationship. So often it’s a planned escape with lots of external support. Please don’t bear the weight of someone else’s behaviour on your own. You deserve so much more. Although it takes time to find the most suitable support, it’s well worth reaching out.

We minimise our situation and leaving can be frankly dangerous. It’s really sad when we can’t rely on our family. There are ways around this. I know that my own family will probably never truly understand.

Keep posting here. There are so many people out there to support you through this.

For a long time I had a burner PAYGO phone. Record everything you can. I thought I’d made my bed in my miserable marriage.

[Secret6]

Thanks. I appreciate it. But I can’t speak with or see anyone. That’s what I said. That’s what nobody believes.
I’ve tried reaching out via email. I didn’t get help.
I’m so sad

[Darknessallaround]

I think I get this @Secret6.

I have 2 friends whom I never see or speak to. I don’t have any family. He’s here with me 24/7 I’m never alone long enough to be able to have a private phone call.

The only thing I can think of to suggest, is maybe trying the online chat here if you have access to a computer or mobile and can use it and keep it private.

I’m not sure it’s that we’re not believed, just that it’s difficult to imagine how a person can be so totally isolated. I would never have believed it myself if it hadn’t happened to me.

Please reach out if you want to talk here or pm.

[Secret6]

Thank you. I have tried online chat both here and another site. I get frustrated waiting and then repeating myself and explaining again and again that I can’t ring, can’t talk to a friend, can’t go to my GP etc.etc
I guess it’s so hard for younger people to understand this absolute isolation and loneliness so they just assume it’s not true maybe. I don’t know.
I honestly feel like the general view is that I’m old, so not worth helping. That’s how I feel : totally worthless in other people’s eyes

[Lisa]

Hi Secret6,

I’m sorry that you’re feeling worthless and like you’re not believed and no one wants to help. That must be so painful and on top of how the abuse feels. I can absolutely understand how frustrating it feels to have that same conversation with different people and for it to seem like they’re not getting what you’re saying.

You deserve to have support, regardless of age. The fact that the abuse is non-physical doesn’t make your experience any less valid, the impacts are still very real and serious.

I want to reassure you that you are believed and you’re not alone in being in a situation where it’s not safe or possible for you to be making phone calls. Lots of controlling abusers deprive their partners of the space to be able to reach out in this way. It’s something that services are aware of and a barrier to accessing support they will want to help you explore ways around. I’m going to send you a PM to follow up on this as well.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Secret6]

Thank you so much Lisa. I will message you when I get the chance to do so properly. I really appreciate it

[sweet4]

Me to.im have no friends or relatives, now no kids, read my other post,i live in my bedroom awaiting on some sort of help, no job either, so i feel your pain, keep posting, we are all herel.

[Secret6]

Thank you. So sorry for what you are going through. None of us deserve this x

[StrongLife]

I’ve recently turned to 1 family member and gotten knocked back. I too went to a friend at the time who was of no help. Friends can be so unwise.

It is hard to leave and takes time. It’s very isolating. It’s hard to reach out again and again.

Keep going. There is a path there for you.

[Secret6]

Oh yes, I’ve been disappointed by family members too. It’s so upsetting. So sorry you have experienced this.

[Bananaboat]

Oh gosh I hear you, when did the world stop using email and expect us to phone them. What’s the point in having an email if all you’re going to reply is please call us. Do they not realise how hard that can be – especially in our situations! I had some truly shocking responses by email but also some people who just got it, and did help. If my memory is right I think womansaid had an email address. I don’t know if this applies to you but my emails would be long, I felt like I had to apologise and justify why I was contacting when on reflection I just wanted one or two questions answered. Don’t give up, that strength you’ve found to reach out is something to hang onto, whether you find someone to help or channel it into your own actions. Lucky for them, most people have no idea what this experience is like and just can’t relate but that’s not personal to you, keep trying xx

[Secret6]

Yes, I expected so much more to be available online. It’s been a bit of a shock.

[Author]

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