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Hi, this is going to sound really stupid, but I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to deal with this. Ever since I moved into my flat, the person in the flat upstairs constantly bangs and crashes around most of the day and night. During the day I can ignore it, but at night I panic every time I hear it. It reminds me of before I left, when I would lay in bed every night terrified of the sound of my Husband coming up the stairs. Now every time I hear the person upstairs my heart starts beating really fast and I start shaking, then I can’t sleep. It also wakes me up throughout the night. It’s like my brain knows I’m safe but my body still reacts. At first I thought I would eventually get it over it, but it’s been a while now and it’s not getting any easier. Has anyone else experienced anything similar and can offer any advice?
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I stayed on a noisy street immediately after leaving. For me it was men shouting outside my window (probably on their way back from the pub) which kept me awake). I started listening to soothing audio books to get to sleep, and that way I didn’t wake up at a few extra voices outside my window, because the voices of the book were there already and extra voices didn’t register in the same way. I am not sure if this would work for footsteps, but I would definitely try some kind of white noise/music/audiobook to focus on as a distraction from the footsteps.
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Hi Newbeginnings1234
I have dealt with a similar situation where the strong heavy footsteps of my neighbour coming home from work in the evening has send me off into a freeze where I can hardly breathe or hyper agitation to the point I had to leave my flat and go out to walk it off.
My neigbour thankfully moved away recently.
But!! His footsteps got replaced by another neighbour with the same heavy footsteps living two apartments further down who is also sending me into a panic every-time he comes home, my heart stops beating. My hearing becomes very sharp and when I hear the door slam close and see that nobody’s actually entered my flat I am slowly able to breathe again, staying on my bed, legs crossed and trying to calm down and breathe deeply in and out telling myself it is going to be ok, I am safe, and repeating it until my breathing has calmed down. Then I get myself a cup of chamomile tea with a little bit of honey to comfort myself.
It is exhausting and I dislike feeling like this, home should be a place where I feel safe and it’s not.
Voices don’t set me off but heavy footsteps are my nightmare. They too remind me of my abusive ex who had very heavy footsteps, a tank of a man who could have crushed me if he would have chosen to do so.
I don’t know how to deal with this, it’s beyond my control, I will ask my therapist next week and share any useful advice with you. -
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Hi NB, is there a landlord you can complain to? I would say ordinarily we all get used to recognising what the noises are and come to live with them once we are able to recognise what it is. Sounds like your nerves are shot? Or is it that the noise is above the level of acceptable? If you’re associating the noises with the past (the noises are triggers) then counselling could be helpful x
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I could maybe complain to the landlord, but I don’t want to cause an argument with my neighbour as I’ve never met them, so I don’t know how they would handle it. It’s not helped by the fact that I don’t know what the noise actually is, if it was loud music or something then I would maybe be more likely to complain. They might not even realise that I can hear them. I’m seeing my counsellor next week so maybe I’ll talk to her about it x
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Maybe introduce yourself and see if you can get a feel for them? If they’re open and relaxed you might be able to resolve it between you; although, a good landlord would just say something like could you try to keep the noise down; I think there is likely to be a policy, a kind of three strikes and youre out with this sort of thing if you were to complain, you dont have to use the word complain do you, you could just say could you ask them to try to be more mindful of the noise – could it be a number of folk or would it be obs it was you?
If you got to know them a bit you could always drop into conversation something like, I’ve been working out and I only wondered if you can hear me and my video through the walls or something like? If they’re polite and open then they would return the question and ask if you’ve heard anything hey, and you could say you’ve heard some bangs but cant put your finger on what it could be or where exactly it’s coming from; and if they don’t ask you this q back then you know to leave well away from the subject.
But yes being triggered is horrid and you cant live like that, noise shouldn’t take you back, it does though for women like us hey, your counsellor may well be able to help, if he she is trained to recognise and work with trauma like this. Good luck with it x
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Hi Newbeginnings
I thought I’ll share an experiment I am doing atm which seem to help reduce my anxiety when hearing the footsteps coming up the stairs.
When I came home this week I saw my little neighbours – children – going up the stairs stamping their little feet with all their might at every single step. It made a huge resonating noise against the wooden staircase and now every time I hear heavy footsteps I imagine these children stamping their feet. The key noise of my neighbour becomes some toy of those same children. Doors slamming; children slamming it. Harmless children. Not a strong tank of a man.
I need to stop absolute everything I am doing, concentrate intensely on replacing the heavy strong man I imagine coming up the stairs with the image of the children but it stops my heart racing to full speed, it really does help.
Hope this helps you a little as well. -
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