Not coping today.

[Amaguq]

Hi all.
I am do apologise for my wallow of self pitying, I don’t know where else to turn.
My facade is humour, laugh at the silliest things, always look on the brightside of life.

I rang home today, like always to speak to the children (please don’t judge me for not living with the kids)
Why didn’t I listen to my counsellor? don’t text him or speak to him?
Stupidly, yesterday, I sent him a text to say we need to talk (our second youngest is having a significant birthday soon and I wanted to talk about Christmas)

Our youngest normally answers the phone but HE did and took me totally by surprise, I was very calm and polite but he was shouting so much! I kept asking him to stop shouting, I asked if we could both by a present for our second youngest to show unity, that was a red flag to a bull!

Christmas, he said he was going away to his sister’s. (I was the only one that stayed in contact with his sister) bu he doesn’t know yet.

He was so angry, it made me feel like it was when I lived there, pacifying him, backing away (on the phone, I move the phone away from my ear)
Threatening yet again to cut the landline off because I am the only one that rings it.

One of my children sent many texts to me, I replied carefully like always (eggshells will never go away)saying how he never shouted on the telephone. She believes him 🙁
All I said “stop it please” via texts and when I read back, it brought back memories.
“Please stop it” “Stop it please” the shouting, the bruises, lifted off the floor with his hand at my throat, woken up with his hand on my throat unable to breathe, bruises on my thighs when he did, you know what, when I was sharply awoken from my sleep.
It all came back to me 🙁

I went for a walk in the rain and called into the shop and broke down in tears, they shouldn’t have asked me how I am, they know me, the jovial type, HE breaks my spirits and I need to forbid him doing that any longer.
Thanks for listening, huggggsssss to all 🙂

[Amaguq]

lol ignore the spelling errors, my excuse, tears but now for long xx

[Starmoon]

Hi, I’m so sorry for your situation and non of us will judge you! We all know too well how evil these men are, you’re doing what you can to try and stay a constant in your children’s lives because you love them and you’re a good mum. He is a terrible person and a terrible dad for using the children like that.
Sending you lots of hugs x*x

[Pippy L]

Nothing about your post seems self pitying. I agree with Starmoon we know how awful this can be.I also am not living with my children and so have a sense of your pain. You’re just trying to do what’s best for them, whilst living with the awfulness of what’s been done to you. You’re being a constant in your childrens’s life and that will matter to them for ever. Sending you the kindest of thoughts, it’s NOT you, it’s NOT you. x

[Jazz]

I feel so sad for you, it’s heartbreaking. But know that no one will judge you here. We all have our stories and this is the only place that we can be open and support each other. You love your children and they’ll know that and one day when they are grown up and out of his clutches you’ll be able to explain the truth of everything to them. Stay strong but don’t feel you have to put on an act for people, it’s exhausting for you. Love, hugs and sympathy. X*x

[Amaguq]

Hi all,
Thank you so very much for your supportive words and compassion, I have tears in my eyes, it is strange, seeming to anticipate negativity, kind words or gestures always reduce me to tears.
I will ring them later like always, hopefully, he won’t answer the phone.

Thanks again, Huggggsssssss xx

[Author]

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