Not feeling like at home

[BlueberryField]

Juat caugt myself thinking about this quite often. When we moved into our home (we are renting) I remember always thinking what I would change here, do a little bit if paint work, what was needed to buy for home starting with kitchen appliances, decorative things, etc. But then I always stop myself because I think why would I spend money on this house when I don’t even want to live here? I know that if I had to run I would leave everything behind anyway and only things I would take would my clothes and my childs things.

What I mean to say I want to live in a cozy home but I don’t want to spend a penny on a home where I don’t even feel safe if that makes sense? He wouldn’t bother buying anything anyway. Just whenever I find something nice and think oh it would be nice to buy for our home, I always think No, I would rather put that money aside and keep it in case if I had to run. It’s kind of sad at the same time. But I was thinking is it just me or any of you do the same?

[Lisa]

Hello,

Thank you for your post. It makes sense you don’t want to invest in a place that doesn’t feel safe and doesn’t feel like home. Home is where you should feel your safest and most comfortable.

decorating your home and making it personal should be fun things that bring you joy and its hard to do that in an abusive environment. I hope you are able to design the home you like in the future

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Bananaboat]

It makes total sense! But like you say isn’t it awfully sad to feel like that. Similar I wouldn’t buy things because I knew he’d comment on them so what’s the point.

when I left I ended up throwing away most of my belongings from our shared home – although I regret that sometimes (you know when you think oh wouldn’t that do-dah be really handy right now or that thingy would’ve looked fab there!) I still have some furniture and bits but just looking at them triggers something negative in my brain. It’s not nice.

I found planning things for my new home rather than buying was a halfway house, also helped me picture the life I wanted x

[BlueberryField]

I try to imagine how would my home look if I left and I always get that calm warm feeling that I never have in home where we are living.

[Author]

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