Not feeling so happy tonight

[Sunshine]

Last week when things got put in place I felt good but tonight am thinking what if my ex husband is put to jail. Am not sure how I will feel about this, as crazy as it sounds I know I don’t want him in my life anymore but can’t help but feel he wouldn’t handle that. The guilt is seeping back into my head 🙁 which am trying to be strong and push out again and concentrate on me and my daughter. Is this part of the damaged messed up you can become because of years of abuse??!!
I know I have a lot of work to personally do on myself but I live in a bubble of self protection on feelings. Just ensuring my daughter is ok and working…

[Bakehappy]

Hey sunshine, it’s still very early doors for you and you will inevitably go through a whole roller coaster of emotions. I went through these same feelings in the early days….it took a long time for me to realise I am NOT responsible for him, I am NOT responsible for his behaviour and I most certainly am NOT responsible for the consequences he faced for that behaviour. I regularly felt guilt and self loathing. It was many months before I shed that. How you are feeling is absolutely normal, but don’t give in to it. He is a grown up and 100% responsible for himself. Did he feel guilt for putting you through the hell you had to live with? No!

Be kind to yourself, when I was overwhelmed by the guilt and responsibility I wrote everything down that I felt I needed to say to him which helped enormously in getting it out of my mind and allowed me to refocus on what was important….me and my children xxz

[KIP.]

The guilt is part of the brainwashing of abuse. Bakehappy is one hundred percent right. He needs to be held to account for his behaviour. Don’t think about jail. In my experience unless you’ve murdered someone, jail is the last option. Just look after yourself. You won’t always feel this guilt and rightly so. His actions his consequences.

[Sunshine]

Thanks Bakehappy and Kip,

You are both right, I will await what the outcome will be (detail removed by Moderator). Then it will be the access fight for him and his parents to get through 🙁 I will need to stay strong for sure xx

[Bakehappy]

Sunshine, do you have people supporting you? I had an IDVA from the local council who was there for me every step of the way and regularly checked in on me which was a massive help in keeping me on track. The first time I managed to escape I had no one who ‘got it’ to turn to and he was back within three weeks. Support is essential, you don’t have to do this alone x*x

[Sunshine]

Hi Bakehappy,

Yeah I have a support worker from WA which is good. I think I generally don’t open up about my real feelings though. I think that’s pretty standard to most though! X

[Author]

Posts