Not sure how i feel.

[nbumblebee]

Hey me yet again. Im so sorry.
So we went away and as you know i was dreading it as i was worried he would be nice and I would doubt again.
Well on the first day he told me to enjoy myself as when we got home we were going to split. That he knew i was having an affair that i didnt love him and he hated me having friends and working. He went on all week about this. He watched my every move. Commented when i ate when i didnt commented on how bad i looked yeah a few times he said i looked nice but it was quickly followed by a put down. I enjoyed the break it was a beautiful place but I felt lost alone and sad. Im empty now im back i just dont know whats next. He hasnt mentioned it but is watching and questioning my every move.
But i had a job offer an amazing one she said how i was wasted in my volunteer work how i had so much to offer how she sees so much in me but i need to see it for myself. She said we could start slow and build up. Now here is the weird bit she then went on to tell me about her abusive ex. She looked me in the eye and said ” you know what the only thing to do with these men is? Leave them you must get out and leave” We know eachother a little she was a tutor of mine but ive never ever said anything at all. How strange eh? Anyway Im scared as he said I was not to take on any more work how he would be mad if I did so what to do now? I wish I coukd tell him its amazing to think someone wants me im shocked but over the moon I want to tell him talk to him celebrate but No instead Im scared Im having to lie again and work it out for myself. What do you think? Should I take it? Its just small steps to start but she says I can do as much or as little as I like to start that she has ideas and plans and will help and guide me through she wants to help I believe that and I love this work so much. But can I do it? Do I really have the ability? And should I what will he do if i did take it? Hes getting bad so bad and I dont know whats coming next will this tip him over?
Thanks ladies for listening yet again. Xxxxx

[Bananaboat]

Take the job!! Take it for yourself, because you deserve to and clearly they want you, and take it because you’ll have the most supportive manager who understands your situation. The universe is giving you a helping hand.

Regarding your husband, you know you’re not cheating but ignoring that part, he’s giving you a glimmer of hope to get out. Obviously he’s trying to do it to get you in line but Could you call his bluff and end it? Do you want to? This is a dangerous time because he knows he’s losing control as you grow in strength, so use your knowledge from here and reading to stay strong. You can do this xx

[nbumblebee]

A wise lady said the same to me today. Im just so scared I wouldnt know the first place to turn the first step to take in leaving I just dont know how and if I actually have it in me. X

[Bananaboat]

And that’s ok, Baby steps are still steps. My first big leap was accepting the end was even an option in my own head, then starting to visualise a life outside him, then Googling options/houses etc- way before I made any physical moves. It all builds towards the moment something inside just breaks. The new manager will understand all this. The other way to look at it is how would you feel if you didn’t take it and could you live with that feeling? xx

[nbumblebee]

No I dont think I could.
Im scared Im not sure im good enough nor if I can do it but I know I wanna give it a go. I just dont know if i could do it without support at home he will hate it so much.
Know what, I actually just wish I could get up and go I just dont have it in me.

[Bananaboat]

He’s going to be unhappy eitherway, you can’t win so weigh up how you’ll feel if you take it and he’s nasty vs how you’ll feel if you don’t take it and he’s nasty. I know how hard it is I do, deep breath, maybe just state your hours have changed xx

[Apricot]

I’m new here and I don’t know much about you situation but from reading your post I think taking that job is the best thing you could possibly do. Having a job gives you independence – not just in terms of money, but in confidence too and making new connections with people. The manager sounds amazing – what a gift! I think that whatever it takes – you should take that job. Maybe you could open up to the manager a bit about your concerns? Maybe she can give advice or support?

I appreciate that you are concerned about the response you will get from him. I doubt he will ever celebrate with you. And that hurts. But he doesn’t want you to be independent – he wants to control you. That job sounds like freedom. You sound excited talking about it and you deserve that! xx

[nbumblebee]

Thanks apricot. My story is no different to others sweetie.
Pants childhood pants marriage led to self harm eating problems and low self esteme etc…
I find it hard to accept it is what others call abuse.
I wasnt allowed to work but I did anyway jusy a few hours a week they put me on courses I passed now this. It is mind blowing im struggling to believe someone wants me Im waiting for the punch the bad news the catch cause theres always one isnt there?

[Tired@runningsilence]

hi
also new here, strange how we are quick to see others fears and doubts, but we do it to ourself everyday, not even thinking twice.
read your post and immediately though, why would you even ask are you good Enoug?

of course you are, you are better than good enough, you are amazing.

Reach for the stars and leave the darkness behind. stop doubting yourself.

you can do this, we all can.

Me saying this with my Toung in my cheek, knowing I do the same thing over and over to myself, if only we realise that we can do this, we don’t have to suffer, but its definitely easier said than done.

[nbumblebee]

100% I do this too. I read and can comment to others about how they are living with abuse but cant and wont believe or say that word for my own situation.
My advice to newbies is read as much as you can read old posts on here you may see similarities you may not but you will definatly learn so much from the ladies on here they will help you along this journy and hold you up when you need it.
Thank you for your replie sweetie take care xx

[Footballfan1]

Do it, take the job!!
Are you able to get any advice on how to handle your husband?
It’s a really tricky 1.
I know what it is like, you end up sacrificing your wants and wishes to pacify them and to keep the peace.
You just can’t do it on this occasion, it is too much of a good thing to give up.
You need to plan on how to deal with the fallout, unless you can pretend it’s more volunteering?
That’s if you want to hide it, of course you should not have to hide being offered a Job.
Good luck and have faith in yourself, you can do it xx

[nbumblebee]

Thank you. I will need to tell him as the hours may differ to what I am doing now and he has to know what i am doing or he accuses me of seeing other men.
Plus i feel full of guilt if I lie. Im gonna take the weekend to think it over Its so tough I just dont feel I deserve this that Im capable its just all a bit of a dream I guess x*x

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