Obsessive behaviour

[Munchkin04]

Can I ask if anybody else’s partner/husband has obsessive behaviours. My partner obsesses over things. Sex is one of them. I’m always told I don’t instigate which I do just not as often as he would like. He is a revering alcoholic as well as a n********t and I find I can’t keep up with the obsessive behaviour. I’m on edge waiting for him to tell me I have t instigated or it’s a fad. Currently going through a cycle of mind bending abuse. I can’t talk to him without being told I’m telling him he’s wrong. He closes the conversation after he’s told me how he sees me and I can’t let him know my feelings. He’s bought up past and how I have poisoned his life. It’s the same thing over and over. I talk calmly yet am told he senses a problem. I understand him but can’t say what I want to say. He’s so hypocritical it makes my blood boil. Anyway happy bank holiday hope everybody is having a better one than me. X

[tryingtosleep]

Dear Munchkin04
I am out of my relationship – but I could have written this in the past. Definitely lots of OCD behaviours.
Mine is an alcoholic – so I think a lot of the obsessions were his way of trying to deal with this.
So – while he was very annoying – at least it stopped him from drinking (at least temporarily).
He was obsessed about running – until he kept breaking various bones. Obsessed about many many things. It’s very tiring.
I was always told off for not instigating sex – but why do you need to – when it’s always on tap……….
He was very coercive too. Make sure that you can take some time out for you – you need to put yourself first – not him.
xx

[MissIndependant]

I can relate to everything you’ve said. My ex was/is jealous and obsessive about my ex boyfriends because he never thought he was good enough himself, he still thought I preferred them to him, yet I’ve never given him any reason to feel inferior. He would call me boring but the fact was he would ruin any intimacy between us because of his obsession. Wanting to know every nitty gritty detail of my last relationships even during the act, it was a complete put off!
He is also an alcoholic which just made things worse with his paranoia and verbal/emotional abuse, I’ve been accused of being unfaithful during and after our relationship ended, called every name under the sun and a liar. I have always been a loyal faithful partner and wouldn’t even consider looking at another bloke. He ruined a good thing due to his obsession and for what reason? No reason at all, all I ever wanted was a happy life.

[Sad and alone]

Recognise many similarities here, especially being told I never initiate sex. He tells me I always rejected him so now he doesn’t bother trying. Which is untrue, and also contradicts me never initiating as if he says he isn’t bothering and I’m not initiating how does it happen? Not that it does anymore! I tried to make a conscious effort to be intimate once a week thinking maybe this was an issue and why he was the way he is towards me. That if we were physically closer, he’d be nicer. But although things seemed to get better for two or three months it all went to sh!t again as usual. I say to him when he is the way he is it doesn’t make me attracted to him in any way. But I don’t think he gets it. Or he’s accepted it. I don’t know.
If I try and have an opinion of my own, different to his, I’m fighting him. We can never have a discussion about anything as he only wants me to agree with him about everything. I will try and remain calm but he will start shouting.
I get told he can’t believe he’s still mentally all there having to put up with me. How I’m a rotten wife and always have been. He trounces our entire life together, which is sad as it makes me feel like I’ve wasted mine, even though I know things weren’t always this way.
I can’t say he’s obsessed with anything, unless it’s obsessed with constantly telling me I am no good as I am and need to change! But wanted to just share that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing. Hope you have a better day tomorrow xx

[Bettertimesahead]

Sex was massive issue with my ex, wanted it everyday, expected me naked every time house was empty, stropped if I got up before him even though he’d drink heavily before bed so didn’t get up early.He also obsessed and went through stages of collecting stuff and would order ridiculous amounts of cheap tacky clothes for me to wear. Just writing this makes me feel sick as I’d forgotten how awful it was. I’m much stronger now but still struggle at times and get angry at myself for putting up with things for so long.
Need to get the financial stuff sorted so the last connection is cut and I can finally start to heal.

[Sunlight]

Yes, I can relate to that too, being told I didn’t ever initiate sex, and being given intense interrogations about my relationship with previous husband, including wanting to know graphic sexual detail. He was very persistent and insistent that I divulge all and could tell if I was “holding anything back” but obviously got angry with what I told him, and implied I was a sl*t for having a sexual relationship with someone before him, and with someone who I ended up divorcing, like I was unfaithful to him before I even met him, because he should have been the one and only.  He was obsessed about having sex every day, buying me special clothes and even made one or two videos, though I didn’t want him to, and now I’m scared of him sharing those videos. If he does, I’m going straight to the police but that’s not much comfort, it’s unbearable to think about.  I do hate thinking about it.

Also he was obsessed about exercise and political opinions. He was obsessive about physical fitness. Any walk had to be an extremely fast paced, carrying ridiculous weights in a rucksack.  Any walk just to enjoy walking was “soft” and “whimsical” and “not being about it”.  It was like army training. I was just glad to be out walking because I love walking, but really I wanted to take time to explore and enjoy nature,.not just do a route march.

We enjoyed playing pool, but he wanted us to practice (timeframe removed by Moderator). I thought I enjoyed it, but since leaving I realise it was just therapeutic to have a focus away from my emotions and also I taught myself to like what he liked to keep him happy and calm.

Sorry, I’ve rambled too much but if anyone can relate, it’s so good knowing I’m not the only one, that it all comes flowing out.

[Happiness500]

Hi new to this, just got out of abusive controlling relationship that went on for many years. I always stayed strong and ignored the verbal abuse but this time it went way too far. Have many low points but know we are soo better off  without him in our lives. Reading some of the forums it is like reading my life story, I wish I had known about this site along time ago and maybe wouldn’t have felt so alone., but I have now and it’s helping alot. Thankyou your all so strong.

 

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