One of the hardest experiences

[Chocolatebunnie]

Our child has had the treatment from hospital and in recovery at home. It’s been major and traumatic and weeks of recovery ahead.

I’m caring 24/7

Husbands been ok, not great but until today.

It’s been little digs like he has to cook implying I’ve not. I actually have and pointed it out. But he’s getting funny about housework I can tell
The tension is there. He can’t be nice for long.

I don’t know how much I can take if he does as my nerves are already at their limit with going through all I have with our child.

[Chocolatebunnie]

He’s had his blow up now and he’s trying to be nice. Making jokes, teasing me as it usually works as I end up laughing. But I guess he knows what he’s done, what he’s doing.

short version …. He blew up got angry at said child, me and wouldn’t listen. He kept talking over everyone and said we were doing this to him, talking over him. Our child asked him why he has to be so aggressive? he reacted like this as we were about to do something very stressful treatment wise. He’s had no part of the caring f ok r our child. I’m not a nurse, km squeamish and find it very stressful and it’s scary not knowing if I’m doing things correctly for our child’s recovery.

this was all over sorting (detail removed by Moderator). I knew it was coming. He hates us relying on him. I need him to drive as I can’t do the journey myself, I need him to help. He hates being asked, always seems to feel like he thinks he’s being used or taken for granted, honestly it’s h it s child too?!

He’s got upset at having to cook insisted he had done it all, I’ve set him straight as I actually had cooked and helped he has only bed left to it once.

Feels like he is a complete child. He’s not a partner. When he does help it’s his terms, he chooses what he does and he takes control telling me what I need to do. I’m more than capable and told him this, how does he think he is, it’s me doing it all organising it all. I’m very cross.

At this stressful time we should be calm and supportive but I was prepared for the inevitable I understand the cycle

[Chocolatebunnie]

Why do we dumb it down

Already despite feeling and knowing the facts I’m telling myself maybe I’m stressing out because I’m tired maybe he is too?

[Lisa]

Hi Chocolatebunnie,

This sounds so lonely for you. I’m sorry he’s not stepping up like he should even at this really challenging time. Abusers often can’t stand not being the centre of everything, so the fact attention is on your child rather than him may be a factor here. I think I recall you talking on past posts about how if you’re tired or unwell, he has to make out he has it worse? He can’t do that in this situation so it’s coming out in other ways.

Our brains often don’t want to accept that a partner is being abusive. It’s an awful thing to have to consider. It’s normal to try and look for other reasons for their behaviour. Even if he is stressed and tired, it’s no excuse for what he’s doing.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thanks Lisa

Has been very difficult I appreciate your support as I’m stuck at home with him at the moment feeling very isolated.

Yes makes sense about being centre of attention, you are right I have posted he’s always worse off if I’m unwell and does not accept any of my medical conditions as real.

I think it’s easier to dumb his behaviour down as I’ve too much else to cope with just now.

Have a call from my support worker tomorrow as she is aware of my situation and has insisted in checking in which I’m appreciating now.

[Author]

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