One sentence that made me make a positive choice

[Wants To Help]

I’ve taken some time away from the forum recently as I’ve been having some difficulties and needed time to help myself. My situation was not a DA one this time but the way it made me feel was the same; it made me depressed, anxious, stressed, unhappy, I felt trapped, fearful of the future without it, I would be financially worse off. I knew what I needed to do but lacked the courage/strength/determination or whatever to leave. Then I heard someone say…

“You will never get better by staying in the environment that is making you ill ”

Wow! Such a simple statement. How come I never thought of it like that? Instead, I’ve had years of CBT trying to find ways to cope to remain in my situation even though I knew it was making me ill. The therapy didn’t work, it was just a process to see if I could put up with it longer (and continue to suffer.)

That sentence was enough to make me decide I had to leave, and I have.
It wasn’t easy, I don’t know what the future will bring, I know I have PTSD and still need help to process trauma, but I’m out now and I can look forward and wish myself good health, peace and contentment.

Whatever the situation is that makes us ill, including MH illnesses, we’re never going to get better while we stay in that environment, and this definitely includes DA.

Making life changing changes is never easy ladies, but we only have one life and we owe it to ourselves to make sure we make it our best life.

Love and strength to you all struggling right now x

[beachhut]

Good afternoon Wants to help,

I am pleased to hear that you have detached yourself from the cause of your trauma and have taken the leap of faith into a new chapter for you. Yes it is frightening leaving the familiar behind but when all it is doing is making you ill and unhappy then you have done the right thing. It is strange that one small sentence or word said at just the right time can have such meaning when most needed. Well done and take care of you.

[Wants To Help]

Thank you Beachhut, it’s just one day at a time for now. I hope things are better for you as time has gone on x

[nbumblebee]

Hey wantstohelp firstly I have really really missed you but I am also glad you took time out to look after you and your needs this is so important.
I hear that sentence many times from the one person who knows about me out here in the real world it is a shocker and you are amazing to have listened and acted upon it.
Of course its right even I know that you can fight and fight you can try and better yourself you can even pretend for a while but really you cant ever heal you cant ever be free you cant ever be better in a world where you are hurt, knocked down,abused or in a life that makes you sad anxious and just unhappy. Thats no life.
Its good that you saw that in your life and acted upon it takes such courage and strength.
I hope you find peace now and that get some help to heal You, Keep standing strong and tall sweetie sending you much love xx

[Wants To Help]

Hi nbumblebee, thank you. You are getting stronger by the week, I see your job prospects are looking really promising and you haven’t given in to his (very unreasonable) demands to give it up. Honestly, you have come on leaps and bounds since this time last year x

[nbumblebee]

@wantstohelp I wont lie its hard its like living 2 seperate lives and i hate it I wish with all my heart i could leave take my life and live it without him but it wont happen so i live a seperate life he never asks about ny day so i never tell him its sad but for the best less arguments. I am still struggling with self harm but its getting better yeah im getting better day by day stronger maybe even happier at times. I see what an arse he is now and i am sticking with my boundries. Thank you so much. You take care of you x

[Twisted Sister]

Well done for taking control back and deciding your life will be better Wants to Help. Its the first step isn’t it, seeing it, becoming aware, and you acted. Good luck with your new future.

warmest wishes

ts

[Wants To Help]

Thank you TS, I hope you’re doing ok too x

[Watersprite]

So true and welcome back. Sometimes the thinking worrying and what ifs keep us in circles we know aren’t helpful and taking action is the best and only thing to do. I wish you well and hope this leap of faith will lead to new and exciting paths when you are ready. Have you read the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris? X

[Wants To Help]

Thank you watersprite. I have never heard of that book but I always like to get what people recommend to me so I have ordered it today 😊 It certainly sounds like a book I could do with x

[Hereforhelp]

Hi wantstohelp, I was thinking about you and wondering how you are 😊

Well done for taking that leap and trusting you ❤

[LittleRayofsunshine]

Doesn’t that quote just make absolute sense to all of us living this nightmare! Thankyou for that x

[nbumblebee]

@wantstohelp I thought of this post today my counsellor said to me what you have said above that I wont be able to truely heal whilst in the environment that hurts me.
I still try though. Crazy? Stupid? Or just hopeful? Im not yet sure xxxx

[Sunshinedrops]

That’s fantastic want to help!!! I would call that aha moment!
I had one yesterday on my therapy session
Will he change, has he changed from then until no resounding no! I’ve learnt I’ve been triggered about past experience and the fear holding me back! Just to understand this I feel lighter and hopeful that no matter how I try and ‘fix’ him I am not in control of anybody else’s behaviour ooooh wow! There massive shift in me, I hope this feeling stays and I can keep it with me to become stronger to break up! At the minute we are living together but it’s frosty I’m having a big birthday next year and they do say life starts at this stage so ….. it might not be where I thought I wanted to be, but then that’s life! Xx

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