One step forward, two steps back

[Polardog]

I was feeling like I’d made progress at the weekend. Went and visited my best friend who lives a couple of hours away. Had changed around furniture in the living room so it didn’t look like it did when he was here, sorted new bedroom furniture too to change that environment. Felt tearful a few times but stronger. The last night I woke up at 1am feeling like I literally couldn’t breathe for no reason. Managed to get myself off back to sleep after a while but then woke up a few hours later having nightmares about him.

It just feels like just as you start to feel a bit stronger it gets harder again. It’s hard enough trying to make peace with the fact he wasn’t at all who I thought he was and let go of that person because he doesn’t exist, but then I just feel like how do you make sense of any of it.

My DA support worker checked in with me this morning and is going to call tomorrow and I have therapy shortly but I’ve just spent the whole day feeling exhausted from it and worried it’s going to start impacting my work more.

[Intr0vert]

Im sorry to hear you are going through this.. I sent you a PM x

[swanlake]

There seems to be neither rhyme nor reason for such cruelty. It’s just unnecessary.
I like the book Living With The Dominator though at first I thought that I’d want to focus on me, not what my abuser might or might not be thinking.

[Polardog]

Thank you. It’s a lot isn’t it. Mentally very tiring.

[Author]

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