Ongoing abuse after leaving

[Shazza]

Hi everyone,

Sending you all lots of love.
Somethings happened and i need a space to talk about it.
Since i left ive never been alone with him up until a recent encounter. Ive tried to ensure im not on my own as ive been scared of what he’ll do since i left.
Unfortunately somehow my plans didnt work out. I have limited contact with him but still some due to having a child.
On this occasion when he collected her he figured i was on my own and came back after taking her to school. I didnt expect it, i had stupidly thought i was safe. But he came back and barged through the door and was extremely verbally abusive, and the most physical hes ever been with me. Its like he had saved it all up for that moment to really cause me hurt.
Its shaken me to my core. I feel like a complete and utter idiot for not being more careful. Ive been guarding myself so well and feel like ive tsken a massive step backwards.
I just want him out of my life and for the abuse to end. At the moment it feels never ending still especially after this recent incident.
I feel like such a fool and like its my own fault

[Krolikus]

You had a courage to leave him and you were just starting to live normal life when you don’t have to be constantly afraid! Thats the most annoying to him so he wants to destroy it! Especially as this was the worst episode than notifying police is important. Hope you can get in touch with your local center for abused women, and hope you got some support from friends&family. If taking your daughter to school is his excuse for abuse than he shouldn’t be allowed to get close to any of you. He sounds like a untrastful dangerous men that should be locked somewhere far away from you. I really feel for you sending big hugs!

[Shazza]

Thank you Krolikus. I think you are right i think he sees that i am starting to emerge slowly from his control and i dont think he likes it at all. He seems like he is escalating and it seems like he isnt coping well since i left. I do feel huilty in a way that he isnt coping, however he continues to try and hurt me in any way he can so i know i should try not to feel that way.
Thank you for your support x

[Anonymous]

Hello, so sorry to hear about what has happened, just when you were feeling safer. You could get some advice from a solicitor or DV Assist I think it may be called with regards to a non-molestation order. Can you contact the LiveChat here or local Womens Aid as they will know best course of action to keep you abs your child safe. Are school aware of the history of DV? Try and get as much support as you can so you don’t feel alone with this. You and your child deserve to feel safe.

[Shazza]

Thank you livinginhope. I am still struggling to properly open up to everyone about the extent of what he has been like with me. I panic and feel like i dont want anyone to know. I have another free solicitors consultation soon so am hoping i eill feel braver then to tell more of whats happened, and will hopefully then get some good advice x

[Anonymous]

Hi

Just checked, DV Assist have a helpline for advice about seeking protection orders at no cost. You might find it helpful to speak to them. I hope you are feeling better very soon. Take care

[Hereforhelp]

Hi ❤️ you are so brave to have left. Unfortunately this is the most dangerous time, you are right in what you say in that he has sensed you are moving on. I would suggest that you report this to the police for your own safety (I had to do this because mine upped his abuse, I found the police helpful and understanding, I asked for a DA trained officer and I think that’s really important that they are DA trained.

Could you contact your local womans aid? Talk yo a GP so that you have a record of this incident?
Lots of love ❤️

[Shazza]

Thank you hereforhelp. How did you feel reporting it to the police? I always have so much self doubt that i convince myself it was my fault and then lose the fight to do anything about it. He has started this week with the “i love you” approach which i know is just another tactic to get me back in his control. Still messes with my head though x

[Hereforhelp]

With the police it helped me to write down the first abusive episode I remembered, the worst and the last. There was so much abuse that I got used to it and blamed myself. For me, the police were kind, listened. I was an anxious mess when I went to the station and they helped calm me.

If you feel you can go to the police or phone them (i rang my local police station at first) , ask for a DA trained officer as they are trained and understood how much the DA can mess with your head.
Re read your journal if you have one, re read your posts on here as that can help remind you of the truth.
Lots of love ❤️

[Author]

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