ongoing legal financial abuse

[gentlewoman]

I have been away (detail removed by Moderator) years but we have shared care so my kids see him part of the week. unfortunately my attempt to make a better contact schedule allowed him to have (detail removed by Moderator) and so I have now lost maintenance, child benefits (even though he earns too much to keep it), and now I have to pay him maintenance and he is moving house and refusing to pay towards transport from my house to their school.
I am down approx £(detail removed by Moderator) per month and I work part time and am dependent on tax credits to survive. (detail removed by Moderator) unfortunately the court records are very confusing and I am trying to sort it out with the solicitor and her secretary, but until this situation is resolved, then my attempts to appeal will not be very effective.

but money is not everything, worse is that he is being very obstructive about our eldest son having help for suicidal thoughts (and (detail removed by Moderator) attempts last year) from professionals. he has stopped any pre-separation clubs and activities and stopped our son from finding different ways to communicate when he finds it hard to express things in words. He will never change his unhelpful attitude towards mental health even if it means not being able able to support his son. he uses mental health to dismiss my reasons for taking the children and myself to a refuge and for him to get an annulment so he can marry his next victim and keep his job (detail removed by Moderator).

he never seems to run out of things to try to make my life difficult and have all the opportunties in time and money with the kids to make him look like superdad but they are beginning to realise where true care is, and it is nowt to do with money.

[KIP.]

Do you have support from your local women’s aid? Also, you can get free legal advice from Rights of Women. It might be worth getting a second opinion. The mental health professionals that work with your son should be made aware of your husbands obstruction. Get them on your side and get all the information you can for your appeal. How his behaviour is detrimental to your sons wellbeing. Get your GP on side too. Work out what custody arrangements will be best for you financially and fight for this in your appeal. Also, these men love to see the distress we are in. It fuels them. So if you can be zero contact and use a third party it puts a barrier up to protect you and also cuts off their ability to see your distress. Many times these men lose interest in the children when they can no longer use this to upset the mother.

[fizzylem]

This is s**t. Can relate so much – constant stress and strife. We either fight or give up hey; so guess its about picking up the fight when you feel able. Sorry I’m not much help, I’m having a feel like giving up period atm. Sending you hugs from one mum to another who gets it x

[diymum@1]

hes bringing his bias into this and using it against everyone – hes forgetting this is about his kid its not about what he wants xx does your child see a therapist? – they can write to the court to reduce contact the only way they can do this is to write down dialogue between them and your son he has to sign the dialogue and so does the therapist. if its posted direct to the sheriff its not breaking confidentiality xx

[diymum@1]

its important to know and this is what were up against dealing with professionals when we need help – confidentiality can be broken when a child protection concern is recognised ie needing support when feeling the way your child does xx

[PonderPuss]

My help seeking for my kids emotional distress was used against me by children’s services.. they twisted it into (detail removed by moderator), and kids challenging behaviour with me, their non-abusive parent, this again was reframed as down to my poor parenting. Power begets power, and so they colluded with perpetrator. Arrogant, incompetent and vindictive, my kids were removed from my care by male SW who fawned over my ex. My instinctive feeling about the SW from the very first meeting was “unsafe”. My mind foolishly overruled my gut, and I wasted a year before finally accepting that I never stood a chance. Kids have a new social worker now, and I’m just going to keep my mouth shut, and hope she will listen to the kids, and if I’m not involved, the kids will stand a better chance. So if you get any bad vibes, from anyone you seek help from, ditch them immediately and deny them access to your kids, and do so in writing, and cc GP, school, anyone on your side.

[Author]

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