Out for years, still struggling

[Neueranfang]

I have been out for a few years now, even moved country, have got a new, lovely partner but I am messed up due to (timeframe removed by Moderator) of every possible form of domestic abuse. I am not an alcoholic, I hardly drink but when I do drink, I don’t have a stop button.I just keep pouring one glass after the other. I embarrass myself and mess things up for myself and I don’t know why.I keep telling myself, this time you only have a couple or even none at all but it never happens.I hate myself for it.I had two episodes recently and I feel utterly ashamed, guilty, embarrassed and I don’t want to go on like this anymore.Can anyone relate?

[iliketea]

Hi, I remember you from before, I think we’re on a similar timeline. I’m not a drinker but have recently been like this with food, when I never was before. Could it be age – peri-menopause, on top of a trauma response still? But realistically, I think its a “my life is fine now but I am used to not being fine and the safest place for me (meaning your subconscious) is to upend it all again…because that is a safe place in which I know how to function and survive” – have you been able to do any sort of groups like a Freedom Programme or a Recovery Toolkit, or understanding Trauma. Its this stage, when we are safe and out, that our bodies start reminding us to wake up and not be too complacent. Does that make any sense? If we’ve been in a trauma response for so long, our bodies have been trained to relate to the world like that, whether we’re in trauma or not. So on a basic level, to make life “easier” for our subconscious, to get back to the state it knows well how to cope and survive, we do things that put us back into a stressed situation – i.e. a traumatic one – whether its drink, drugs, food, bad relationships.. Does that make sense?
Solving it – I’d say understanding is a big step, education, like when we were looking at leaving, and support from professionals. A good trauma therapist should be able to support you in this. I’m sending you a big hug and a whole load of support on International Womens Day. Stay strong. Its a blip. All these things are are signs and messaging from our brains and our bodies that something is up. You will get through this and solve it. Look how far you’ve come! xx

[StrongLife]

Have you tried counselling? Or group counselling at this time. I found it beneficial for me over time.

 

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