Persistent calling from ex partner

[Sunlight]

I was having quite a good day when my ex partner persistently called me from his parents landline. I already blocked his mobile and so I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t answer the call and it just rang a few times.  Because I was so settled in my day and thinking of other things, it came as a big shock and I couldn’t stop shaking after that. Still shaking (timeframe removed by Moderator) later.

Thing is, I know he wants an explanation of why I went from being with him all the time to totally disappearing. At the start I left him a quick message saying I wouldn’t be coming back because I couldn’t cope with lack of contact with people and lack of choices, so that’s all the explanation I can give. He always wanted more. When I was with him, he would keep questioning me until I said what he wanted to hear, so I know it’s futile to engage because it would just be like that again.  I feel so fearful of his anger, like I’m in trouble because he always acted like I owed him a lot because he treated me “so well”, so I know he must be very angry and resentful. It’s hard not to still feel the fear and anxiety I felt when I was with him, like I still belong to him or something. I know I’m free now, but sometimes there’s a difference between fact and perception hanging over from the control he exerted.

[Lisa]

Hi Sunlight,

It sounds really unsettling for him to call you out of the blue like this, especially given you’ve blocked his mobile which gives a very clear message that you don’t want to speak. You don’t owe him any explanation, but you have already told him why you left and him pushing to speak is his way of trying to regain control. It will take time to process what you’ve been through. If you haven’t already, you might like to reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support. You might also find the resources on the Bloom website helpful.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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