physically Sick with worry

[Ifandwhen]

I’ve reached out to be able to leave my husband , I am in the stage where I have been through the DASH and have a case worker but not talked to them on the steps to leave,

i am having really bad lows, I’m physically sick that’s coming in waves and feel loss in the unknown and what’s going to happen , I’m trying to keep the face on in front of him but I’m sobbing when he not home I’m find it hard to breath .

i reached out to family that he isolated me from and I’m scared of him finding out about anything , I feel loss and don’t know how to cope, even with family that knew more than I thought , they did keep saying I’m strong and wanting me to leave now , but I can’t yet , but I am going to, but I need to get all the advice on what the steps are.

[Lisa]

Hi Ifandwhen,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. You’ve taken some really big, difficult steps. It’s understandable (and advisable!) that you have a plan in place before you leave, to make sure you’re doing it safely. It’s okay to take things at a pace that suits you. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you need any guidance on using the forum you can find this in the Forum Guidelines and FAQs. If they don’t answer your question then please feel free to message me.

If you feel like you need some additional support, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available for free, 24/7 on 0808 2000 247. You can talk to their team online Monday to Friday 10am-10pm and 10am-6pm on weekends.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
(Forum Moderator)

[br0kengirl]

I feel the same, you got to try to keep rationale and dont neglect your physical health. Try distracting yourself, whether that be watching a nice show, doing a hobby. Make sure you still eat. I know its so hard but you have to keep your strength up. By neglecting your own health the abusers win. You are worth so much more than them.

[Ifandwhen]

Thankyou , I did get out , I’m not having a great time I thought it be ok when I’m free , but I’m looking over my shoulder and not going anywhere , but it has only been (timeframe removed by Moderator). I can not say it’s easy at all but I’m sure I can , feel guilty to even smile , thank you for reply

[br0kengirl]

Its natural to still be cautious and a little paranoid. But the important thing is that you are out and you are safe. It will feel hard but remember your worth and how important you are. Take good care of yourself, you are allowed to be happy and live a life free from your abuser. They dont control you, you are your own person. Sending hugs and hope you aee okay

[Cherries]

Hiya. This is a while ago. Hope you’re still coming here.

I know I dipped in and out.

A question I needed to be clear on. Really clear. Is ‘why do I stay ‘

Once I had answers to that, I began removing as many obstacles as I could.

It is a massive scary thing to leave. But its also a massive scary thing to stay. Its unlikely to change if you stay, but there’s huge potential for a change in your life if you go.

An unknown change albeit, which is scary in itself when life has us at rock bottom.

How you are is how I was at the end. A numb zombie with nothing to offer but silence and agreement when he was there, or a broken wreck when he wasn’t.

I was a broken wreck sometimes in front of him too. Couldn’t help it. He would even ask if I was OK. And the only answer I dared give was fine, thank you.

I was in a better position this time than the last. This time my children are grown. I had a job albeit not a well paid one.

The first time I had nothing but the kids, some of their stuff and the clothes on my back when I left.

It was hard but, I am still here. Still alive. Sitting on carpet right now. Could easily have been floorboards. No furniture. But I have food. And you know what I slept a whole ten hours last night. Now the high alert is fading I am extremely tired.

It is OK. The stuff…we can manage without if we have a roof over our head and a warm place to sleep. It can all be rebuilt. Much easier in fact than rebuilding our broken psyche.

I know you feel weak. But you are not. You’re just exhausted from being under attack. Whether that be physical mental emotional or even our own anxiety, in the end. Our brain takes over their job when they are not around.

Speak to your DASH worker. Inform yourself. Informing yourself doesn’t mean you have to leave if you aren’t ready to. It just removes the unknown and makes it less scary when you are ready.

Get on every housing list you can. Theres a housing crisis and these things take time.

Treat yourself as if you are precious because despite what he would have you believe you ARE. There is only one of you and the world is a better place with you in it. Its generally the good hearted people who end up bullied and abused. The world needs as many good hearted people as it can get x

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