Planning to leave – struggling with hiding it

[Breath123]

I’ve been with the father of my son for (detail removed by moderator), after a year u noticed he could be a bit controlling… and acted like a father figure when all I wanted was a partner. This escalated over time he’s an alcoholic and he bully’s me daily. The verbal abuse and constant knocking me down has become too much. I’ve tried for year to do everything he espects of me but even when I do it’s not enough or I’ve done it wrong or he wants it different. He makes me feel it’s all in my head and that im over exaggerating he’s made me question myself and feel utterly lost and useless

 

 

 

But after seeking help from the GP and talking therapy I’ve come to start trusting myself. I’m planning to leave but I am struggling with hiding this from him, he can become viscous so I really have to keep this to myself till me and my son can move safely.

Has anyone been through this and able to say how they manged it ?

I’m having panick attacks regularly and if I’m not panicking I’m just a high mess of emotions I’m angry at him but scared of him and I just feel like my words are a wasteof air

[Tsunami Mommy]

Breathe 123: I am dealing with the same situation right now. I have two (detail removed by moderator) and have been with my husband for (detail removed by moderator) It feels like I have woken up from a nightmare. Coming to the realization that none of this has been my fault was monumental. Because my husband questioned everything I did and blamed me for everything he did (and didn’t do). We couldn’t do anything, (detail removed by moderator) He has me and the kids isolated. He had me convinced I was a threat to the family’s finances, which is impossible because he controls all of it. Blame shifting, Gas lighting, Dismissing, Devaluing, Contempt and rage from him has been my reality. The feeling that you are completely losing your mind. The self-doubt destroys you, emotionally – the stress, physically. He is supposed to be finding out that I filed for divorce (detail removed by moderator). I am terrified. I have been keeping all my important files and clothes in my car for the last week. The kids are home with him right now and I worry for their safety. I left them letters, hidden in the house, in case I am not home to explain this to them. Writing those letters to them was heart wrenching. I planned, diligently, for months. I got a separate bank and have slowly been moving what money I can access there. I have been doing whatever I can to prepare for this without him knowing. There is no explaining my decision to him, he has never valued my reasoning before. Why would this time be any different? I realized that I am doing this on my own and the only way to do this is to plan well and to leave. Period. We have to toughen up our hearts to survive, but we will heal in time. And hopefully the kids will heal in time too. I have been so good at hiding the dysfunction and toxicity from my kids and I know the kids will be upset by my decision to leave my husband. This has been my reason for staying all these years. I didn’t want to hurt the kids or have them hate me. I realized they have already been hurt by growing up in an unhealthy toxic environment. I am doing this for me and for them, for our futures. You are a competent intelligent woman. You are strong. You are capable. I believe in you.

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