Please can anybody tell me anything about Facebook…

[Healthyarchive]

Hello, please can you tell me if you know this about Facebook.
About 7 months ago I looked at my ex’s ex wifes FB profile out of curiosity. At that point I had broken up with him. Shortly after this I changed my Facebook name, reverting back to my maiden name.
I have just been looking at ‘People you may know’on Facebook. His ex wife’s profile came up. I dont this if this has just been automatically generated as I have viewed it in the past, I know that it does do that. But I thought when you change your FB name you delete former searches & basically start a fresh. I think i’m concerned that there is some way his ex wife & possibly him (I suspected him might have got back together with her), have found out that I changed my FB name and know what it is, & view my FB profile.

[Healthyarchive]

This has scared and worried me. I think it might just be automatically generated by FB as somebody’s profile that I have viewed in the past, now showing in the People You May Know section. Another painful trigger. I will have to remember the rules now: 1. focus on my breathing and be calm 2. remember this is not as likely to feel so stressful in 2 or 3 days time 3. try to not worry.
In all honesty any slightest view of him or anybody he knows sets me into a spiral of terror.

[KIP.]

I don’t know much about Facebook, I deleted my profile and never went back. My ex did the same after I did! I know the anxiety any sort of contact brings but you know the routine to get through it. Nothing is going to happen. You’re not the same woman you were. You can kick him right into touch if he dares to try make contact ❤️ This time should be quicker to bounce back X

[Healthyarchive]

I am a nervous wreck. I have just looked at my FB profile as thought a member of the public is veiwing it. There is a lot to see, photos of me recent, old and baby photos, thoughts comments and suggestions. Posts. Thinking calmly and logically (i’m panicking so much) my pictures are nice pictures, i’m smiling and look happy, i look like I have done well before I met him and I have done well since I dumped him, I look like i’m doing well now. He or any of his associates who might me looking will be able to read my comments & things that are posted on my wall. This isn’t the end of the world, i’m just scared for anybody from his ilk having any contact at all with my life. Please help me and tell me what you think or give me some advice please. I have checked my settings and they are all secure, but the public can still see things.

[Healthyarchive]

Thanks KIP i’m hyper ventilating and a nervous wreck i should be allright later.

[Serenity]

If you google your question, it says that FB ‘guesses’ the people we might know from similar connections- such as knowing a large amount of the same people, attending the same college, calendar appointments, etc.

I don’t think it’s based on you having looked her up x

[Healthyarchive]

I’ve just looked again & all he or anybody is likely to see, I look really happy, pretty (sorry, i’m not a bighead really, honestly i’m not) and like i am doing really well, I post cute animal pictures and nice quotations and chat with my friends on FB walls. This will be the proverbial kick in the balls for him which is what all us ladies want i think. But its just the thought of any contact/viewing that sets the nerves on edge.

[Healthyarchive]

Thanks Serneity. So FB guessed, even though I changed my profile name. I thought that wiped the slate clean. I will be alright, i can handle it.

[Healthyarchive]

If i wasn’t biting my nails down to stubbs and hyper ventilating I would be laughing. I’ve just been looking at what can veiwed again and I do display my life since I split up with him & it is obvious i’m having a great time. Haha, oh god………. In one respect i’m thinking YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take that where the sun don’t shine, on the other hand i’m like a rabbit caught in headlights. I will get back to graceful swan mode pronto.

[Dragonfly]

I’ve just deleted all ‘our’ pictures on fb. So, I see things on there from ‘people you might know’ – sometimes I click on it and have no clue who they are nor do I have friends in common with them. Don’t panic. It’s just stupid fb. 🙂

[Anonymous]

I use facebook and can tell you a little about it. Have you got your privacy settings on the maximum? Can talk you through it so you can’t be found in google etc and only your friends can see what you post. Might help a little? Hugs,

TTMO X

[Racoon]

Sorry I can’t really offer much help, but im glad you shared your Facebook concerns as it sends me into utter panic too. I just don’t trust who can see what so I don’t post anything although I have a profile. I’ve thought about creating an anonymous account (detail removed by moderator) and only sharing who I actually am with close friends but it kind of defeats the object of Facebook. I can’t even bring myself so open it up as I find it all so triggering. I am currently receiving emails from Facebook as my ex continues his abusive rants via status updates and it automatically informs me of them. I can’t block it just yet as I am (removed by moderator). Can’t wait for it to end so I can Block it.

This leads me into an additional question. Can you see who has actually read your status update even if they don’t click like or dislike. I’m not sure if I’ve explained that well enough.

Just the word Facebook fills me with dread so you are not alone, but also feel like I’m missing out on stuff too and I don’t want to allow him to continue to control aspects of my life.

[Healthyarchive]

Every week I have written how happy I am (because I was/am) and what exciting things i’m doing that weekend. All the while if his game plan was going to plan by rights I would have been in a state of mourning for months, depressed & suicidal at my devastating loss. In reality I had got out the champers and was having a ball!!!!

[Healthyarchive]

Thank you for your feedback all of you. I suspect this might just be facebook regenerating who you have looked at in the past. Worse case scenario if anybody unsavoury is looking at my profile they will see i’m having the time of my life which is just Fab. With the status updates & who can see them, I think when you have the section ‘Poeple you may know’you get a list of profiles, if some of these profiles are not friends with you, I suspect they are people who have looked at your profile at some point. But i’m not sure about that.
Dear TTMO:, please can you tell me how I can avoid being found in Google searches. When I put my name in, my name comes up as a FB profile and then when you click on that you can see lots of my info. I have tried to remove this before but its still there.

[KIP.]

Well done. Your happy healthy active life is probably stopping him from trying to hoover you. If they sense a weakness they pick you off like the lion picking off the weakest one in the herd. Good riddance to bad rubbish X

[Healthyarchive]

Yes, good riddance to bad rubbish. I changed my profile as I wanted to cut every single tie. I thought i’d made myself annonymous and got rid of all the rubbish. So from the summer i’ve been having so much fun, going out, i’ve put fun photos on, with me sunbathing, smiling and raising my glass more or less. Haha, I am giggling. I suspect this is the opposite of what he hoped would happen, in mourning like the king has died never to smile again.

[Serenity]

It’s quite easy to change your privacy settings, so only your friends can see your posts and not just anybody.

Click the heading ‘More’ which is under your main profile photo.

Press the option ‘View Privacy Shortcuts.’

You can then press ‘Privacy Check-up’ and then ‘Choose Your Audience’ or click on ‘More Settings’ to do more, such as blocking someone.

[Healthyarchive]

Thank you Serenity, I will do that now. I am very grateful. X*X

[Confused123]

HI Hun

F B can randonly make any one appear as a suggestion do you know this person, has nothing to do with u googling her up, hope that gives you peace of mind, i have my friends as private and it still suggests people and people still send me friend request from random people

[Healthyarchive]

Thanks Confused, I was in quite a tizz earlier when I saw that but i feel better now. X*X

[White Rose]

Hi HA he’s probably jealous! Don’t let it worry you just make yourself as anonymous as you want to.
My ex’s new woman keeps popping into my page as she’s friends with a mutual friend…. I’m tempted to send her a friend request or a warning message!!!
I not sure if updates mess with settings as I thought previously I’d been very choosy who I shared with but it had changed when I checked a few months ago.
Take care xx

[Healthyarchive]

Thank you for your feedback White Rose. I was in such a state yesterday, its a good lesson about triggers, the effects of them and the recovery from them though. This is good thing to remember for next time. I’m allright today, the feeling passes doesn’t it. I hope that you are ok. X*X (I dont think you should contact that woman, it will be problematic for you in some way i’m sure).

[Healthyarchive]

sorry, i misread what you wrote White rose. Yes I would not be adverse to sending a new woman of his a friend request, in fact I think that is a b****y good idea. You would need to be aware if you did this though, this is likely to expose you to all sorts which will trigger you big time, lovely dovey pictures, expressions of endearment (yuck!), smiley faces. We both know that these will be an illusion, but if think you could handle that, I think it would be a good thing to become friendly with this new woman, down the line she will probably really appreciate that too and the best thing of all, he would be HORRIFIED!!!!!

[EeyoreNoMore]

I got in touch with my ex’s exes via FB – best thing I did as it gave me great insight into what he was like before me. Poor woman had it much worse than me.

[phantasmagorical]

Hello Healthyarchive, sorry to read you were in a panic about this. I’ve noticed some people popping up on “people you may know” before; I think this is mostly randomised based on mutual friends. Sometimes the profiles I’ve viewed will show in the suggested friends section, but I think this is FB “learning” your search history to make their suggestions more specific.

There’s a little “x” usually in the top right hand corner of profile pictures in “people you may know”. I’ve clicked that for a few people to hide the person from being suggested to me again. Another option is blocking them.

I’d also review your privacy options; I think this may have been mentioned above, but you can view your profile as a member of the public who isn’t on your friends list, so you can see exactly what information is accessible. Hope you’re feeling better now x

[strong soul]

You can go into your settings and select privacy settings. This will only let people on your friends list to see your profile. You can also block people from viewing your fb. Hope this helps.

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