Provoking me

[Chocolatebunnie]

It’s not clear but it’s the first time I’ve felt he’s provoking me. Can’t put my finger on it.

Said I was tired, spoke about it together, he said how could not be as I had slept, but I hadn’t slept well. Then he looked distressed and I got cross as he’s always like this, it’s becomes his problem when I just wanted acknowledgement. His body language was he wasn’t coping.

Now he’s had news someone close is very ill, and he said it was this upsetting him. I had presumed it was the usual he couldn’t cope with me not being 100%. I was told later accused of being angry several times, just wanted to be left alone and help with chores but he asked what he could do to help and did nothing making me feel worse making out I was being difficult. He could see what needed to be done.

We argued he shut me down by saying to end it (detail removed by moderator). I only wZnted to explain myself and I felt bad he refused to understand me.

He later asked how a friends problem had been going and I gave him a small update, he was not understanding and he asked (detail removed by moderator) so I just said I didn’t know and walked away.

I have never really noticed him pushing my buttons but today I think he did.

I wish I could think more clearly, remember everything and relive it so I can go through what happened but it’s all blurry.

It’s making me doubt myself and am I to blame, am I argumentative?

I know he’s going through a hard time and I wonder if I’m so insensitive, he’s having a laugh with kids then having a go at them. He’s not pulling his weight while I’m keeping going. I don’t know if I’m being insensitive or if he’s using the situation. I feel awful for saying it.

 

[diymum@1]

Hi there xx it’s been a while he is manipulating you it’s all a game to him xx he sounds like he’s using push and pull with the kids you do need to be careful because they’re going to get really confused xx this is the effect he’s having on you xx I hope you can finally get away he sounds soul sapping xx love diymum

[Catjam]

Try to start writing everything done. It will come out onto the page jumbled up as you try to get it down but it does get easier. The way they are is so subtle that you do start to doubt yourself. Even when you try to explain it to someone else it seems like you are being too sensitive.
You aren’t crazy or imagining anything. He is deliberately keeping you off balance because then he gets to do exactly what he wants.
Read some of the books listed on here, some of them really make you stop and think yep he does that.
My kids are all grown up, 2 see him exactly how he is but my eldest worships him. It’s hard because I spent so many years trying to deflect anything from them when I should have walked away. Hind sight is a wonderful thing.
Take care xx

[Catjam]

Try to start writing everything down. It will come out onto the page jumbled up as you try to get it down but it does get easier. The way they are is so subtle that you do start to doubt yourself. Even when you try to explain it to someone else it seems like you are being too sensitive.
You aren’t crazy or imagining anything. He is deliberately keeping you off balance because then he gets to do exactly what he wants.
Read some of the books listed on here, some of them really make you stop and think yep he does that.
My kids are all grown up, 2 see him exactly how he is but my eldest worships him. It’s hard because I spent so many years trying to deflect anything from them when I should have walked away. Hind sight is a wonderful thing.
Take care xx

[Catjam]

Apologies I seemed to have sent it twice xx

[Gojetters]

My husband is a very controlling and manipulative man, he initially tried to paint me as a bad abusive mother and got social services involved. That came to nothing so he has now kept a narrative of abuse inflictedD
on him by me.

The accusations range from coercion to financial control.

As he could not prove child abuse and DA, social services said we had to attend couples counselling or split up they also encouraged us to follow the safety plan which was if discussion is likely to escalate, we should get.

So he created an argument I didn’t engage so (detail removed by moderator) he wrote down his demands and told me I had to action all of them and refused to discuss. I said we need to discuss this, so He walked Out, I fed and bathed kids then got the ready for bed. No sign of him, I was starting to get anxious about him coming home and poking me into an argument. So I quickly packed a bag with some clothes looked out the window, he wasn’t coming back so I went to my car. He was standing by my car laughing and joking with someone on the phone. I panicked went back inside, then I thought “why am I frightened? I am following the safety plan we Both agreed on with SS.

I let him In and he asks if everything is ok, I said no, I don’t feel safe I’m going to my parents place. He laughed at me and repeated (detail removed by moderator) and went to the (detail removed by moderator) to call someone.

I put the kids in the car, then text him to say (detail removed by moderator).

He didn’t try to stop me, he didn’t try to delay me he certainly did not seem concerned about my mental state.

I waited for him to respond, he didn’t so I informed the police to say I’m fit to drive and I’m following safety plan. I didn’t want to waste their time but it is likely my husband will call to say I kidnapped the children because I’m mentally unstable.

He called social services next morning saying he didn’t know where I was and my mental state was not good and he is terrified I’d hurt the kids.

I asked why he would do that? I told him we’re I was going and that I was following the safety plan. SS said I did the right thing but he did not want to speak to me and had asked them to update him on child’s safety

Next thing I know he has (detail removed by moderator) moved his parents in (detail removed by moderator) and has refused to communicate with me. He didn’t even text to know how the kids were until a week later.

He says via SS he no longer wants to be in a relationship and has claimed our house. He hasn’t petitioned for a divorce yet he has sent me an email saying which days of the week he wants the children.

I can’t believe what is happening, I left for one night and it seems he has taken the opportunity to take the house. I believe he only wants the kids so he has more leverage to keep the house.

Where I am ok with him seeing the kids, I do not trust him, I certainly do not trust his capabilities to look after them overnight.

I am pretty sure he is going to use my reluctance to handover the kids as another way of me controlling him.

I’m not, he is not capable he is an anxious disturbed man on anti depressants (detail removed by moderator). He plays with kids then needs  (detail removed by moderator) hours in the shed to calm himself down.

He needs tablets to sleep, once he has taken those he may as well be dead. The kids are all under (detail removed by moderator).

 

 

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