Pulled back in finding it hard to identify things

[Chocolatebunnie]

Can anyone relate or explain why I feel as I do?

 

I saw the abuse, set boundaries and stand up for myself. Got pulled back in he’s been very good for sometime but I keep having thoughts that it’s not real, that he’s playing a game. I do see the not so nice guy sometimes but it’s less and less often. More recently he has been difficult to be with, he kinda jokes about me getting things wrong, playful maybe? But this has gone on and on which is getting me down. He’s been a bit grumpy, critical but that’s normal right?

 

im struggling with money he helps if I ask but sometimes I have to keep asking, he says he forgets but I feel I’m bothering him. It’s things for kids mostly I’m a SAHM

ive been posting for years on here but now I feel like I’m back to square one, is it abuse? Is it me? Is it my past relationships that I think all men are the same?

I feel like I’ve lost my sense of what’s really going on, can’t trust myself and I know some of this get worse due to monthly cycle, so is it hormones? He says that’s it. He withdraws says I’m moody difficult and then once I’m over it he’s all over me. He jokes I’m crazy often.

confused, fed up and doubting everything I thought he was. It took me years to work out it was abuse, but it’s gone I can barely see it. Is it me, has he changed, or am I just crazy and hormonal.

[Lightwunderkind20]

Hi Chocolatebunnie

I can absolutely relate to what you’ve described. I have an inner monologue that constantly doubts my take on things, backed up of course by his denial “I didn’t mean it like that” “that didn’t happen” etc

I have to repeat to myself that I know the truth- but some times it is easier than others.

It took me many years to leave because I always struggled with believing that he was behaving that way on purpose- but in the end I decided it didn’t matter if he was or not- the consequences were the same.

I also still really struggle with whether the relationship was abusive or not- but also, when I’m doubting that, I think it doesn’t matter- people leave relationships all the time because they aren’t happy. And I wasn’t happy with him.

I read the book “Was it even abuse” and it was literally like someone was writing about me! I found it quite helpful. I should probably re-read it to be honest because I’m having a hard time at the moment with the doubts. But anyway, I’d recommend it- I know you said you’ve recognised it as abuse before, but it might just serve as a reminder.

My ex also started mentioning that he thought I was peri-menopausal and that really frightened me- I remember thinking, oh god, now he’s going to start blaming stuff on that!

It’s not you. It doesn’t sound like he has changed.

It’s so hard to step away from the image we hold of them- I think I used to separate the good side from the bad side- almost like they were two different people- and I’m still trying to get my head around thinking of those sides as a whole. I don’t know if that makes sense!

But I think our self doubt absolutely works in their favour- and that’s the exact point of them laying blame at our feet- hormonal, over sensitive etc. They want us to believe it’s us that is the problem. But it isn’t.

 

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