- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
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Hello Managing111
Welcome here…have you read any of the Alcoholics Anonymous literature? This will explain to you that the centre of their life is the addiction, it is all consuming and people don’t feature, or love, they prey to the god of booze, everything else is irrelevant whilst they are in its grips. Addiction is a cruel master and will dominate them until they rise up for themselves to make it stop, thats the only way it will stop, if they want it to, enough.
Many alcoholics will destroy the lives of those around them in pursuit of their one aim, alcohol.
Don’t be one of his statistics, get him out, he cannot love, he is dependent upon alcohol, that is all.
Staying with him will support his alcoholism, that is all.
Its heartbreaking, but there is nothing you can do but let him go.
Look at the AA website, and use the support thats available for friends/family of alcoholics.
Wishing you every strength for the letting go.
warmest wishes
ts
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As TS said, sadly the addiction means more. Even if they don’t want it to, the pull is too strong. Abusers also use alcohol and drugs to mask their real inner feelings as they are actually deeply broken people. You can’t make him see sense and you can’t fix him. I know it hurts. All you can do protect you and any kids. I know you don’t want to leave but staying is just enabling him to continue. Only you will change and die more each day, he’ll continue to drink because he can. A lot of us here have left addicts and they don’t change unless they truly want to xx
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Thank you for you reply’s.He has already left the house as fortunately it’s mine but he just keeps texting asking me to meet up with him and that he loves me etc usual things.I find it hard to block him after all these years as I wouldn’t know if he was dead or alive why I should be bothered I really don’t know 🙄 x*x
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it can be difficult to completely break any connection with them, but its very unhealthy for you. I hope he doesnt threaten his life if you break connection, as this is often the game played to keep you hooked for fear they will kill themselves. If this is the case, report him as a risk to himself to police who will conduct welfare checks. His life/death, is noones responsibility but his own, same for anyone.
you need to make that final break freeeeee!
warmest wishes
ts
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I too was with a alcoholic for some years , I tried everything to get him help , despite the abuse etc I was receiving from him and I too got threats of taking his own life , every time I decided to leave . It is hard I understand to break away as you still care , but his using you as an emotional crutch , what about your needs & feelings ? It’s not about him anymore, it’s about you , to be harsh he has chosen to drink himself to death that is his problem now , not yours . He is the only one who can help himself, you need to cut all ties as hard as it is as he will continue to drain you in every way possible, maybe you should try going to an al Anon meeting for extra support , talking to and listening to others stories and getting guidance might give you more insight into what you are dealing with and helping you to make the right choices for you xx
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My ex was alcoholic too. I stayed way too long. Took me about (detail removed by Moderator) after we separated before I could block him on the phone, longer on social media. But I did and it made it easier.
No contact now except via solicitors. Even that’s difficult for me but his responses show he hadn’t changed, still same ideas of entitlement, playing the victim etc.
Alcohol is is horrible but my ex chose not to accept help and chose it over us.
You will get to a stage where it’s easier. Take care
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