Question

[Benson]

Just a question! Been to see my counsellor today, something I was hoping to find useful after the last traumatic couple of weeks. My counsellor suggested I now forget the past and move on. I am or for moving forward with my life, and I have already made steps for my child and me now just need to regain some confidence to continue. But my question is how do I forget the past, I want to but it keeps lingering and haunting me. Has anyone managed to do this and how? Thanks

[Flowerchild]

Hello, Benson.

This sounds like the sort of suggestion your mum or best friend might make over cup of tea, frankly. Unless your counsellor has some ideas for HOW you’re supposed to forget and move on and is ready to work with you through those strategies, it’s not really much help, is it?

You might need a change of counsellor – there are different sorts and it’s important to have the right sort for your needs and the right individual, too.

Flower x

[Ayanna]

That is a very unprofessional suggestion.
Can you change this counselor?

[Benson]

Thanks for your advice, decided to question it next session by asking how should I just forget. Will wait and see! I don’t think there are many services that provide it where I am now living.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Benson, i am also with the ladies on asking how. Is moving on from abuse not quite like moving on from grief. Everyone’s time to move on is individual. If we could all just move on, there’d be no need of counsellors

[Benson]

I am with you, it has long lasting effects – normal things I still cannot do because of the abuse I suffered. I am thankful that I can do my job and look after my child, but it’s all the other bits I can’t do!

[Freedomwarrior]

This counsellors comments are totally inappropriate. I had counselling and they never once made comments like this to me ! Like you said the detrimental impacts of abuse can stay with you forever .

I can totally relate to you that you are functioning with the day to day tasks but you are struggling with the rest. That is like me .

You are a strong person and you will get there in The end .

For myself I have sought support from woman’s aid and my local woman’s centre. I have attended the freedom programme which was so helpful . I have as much self care as I can i personally find mindfulness useful for when I am feeling anxious.

It is not realistic to expect you to forget the damaging traumatic abuse that you and your child have endured x

[Twisted Sister]

Dear Benson

It sounds like she has no tools in her kibag fr helping you work through and come to resolution of the many and varied aspects of abuse and their lasting effects.

It’s always so hard to hear this when you have one idea of what a women will have sffered and how groomed and vulnerable you are left feeling at the end of it. It worries me greatly all the wen who think this is right and never say anything to anyone, these counsellors get paid and go on oblivious. We have here to bring these concerns, many don’t speak about this to any other than their counsellor, so would continue to suffer harm,and try to ‘fit’ any feedback to the ‘right’ answer.

I know some very worrying examples of judgmental, impatient, and non-believing counsellor. I know them as ‘friends’ and can see their glaring unsuitability, and I have heard not from them the glaringly unsuitable trainees on their courses, who then qualify, but its a popular well paid growing ‘industry’.

How tight are the controls and how much should we assume when we walk though a counsellor’s door?

I hope you find a good one Benson for your recovery,which is not ‘move on’, but through supported validation to work though he difficilt emotions and challenge the beliefs we share with them, you wil naturally move forward.

Warmest wishes ts

[Author]

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