Reacting and regretting it

[Chocolatebunnie]

Things have been sour for days, he has been very off with me and things have been difficult which I posted the other day, but besides this I have appologised, as I was cross and told him he was a lazy parent.  I have appologised because i am upset i said it but also do not want this sourness to countinue anymore, I dont think its all my fault but after my outburst I feel like I am the problem and guilty.

I asked for help with kids, as I was tired they wouldn’t listen to me (I dont like asking him really as I know he will get angry with the kids instead of guiding them to do what they should be doing). I understand he’s tired and (detail removed by Moderator) job and in pain at the moment.

Im also tired and in pain and had a stressful day was very concerened about my parents.  I told him this during the evening. He did remind me that my parents are difficult, (his version) of something from the past that triggered me but also hurt me when he mentioined it as it had at the time, something my parents did probably over (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago.   My relationship has not always been great with them,  now it is very good and hey are both in their final years and having been so unwell, our reltationship is much better and I ddint want to be reminded of the past, its best left there.  I felt it was cruel but he felt it just showed that the resposnse i had received from my parents was not unusal and I should be mindful that was their character (I somewhat disagree but did not like that during a difficult time for my parents he was being negative, I personally wouldve’ remained quiet and my opion to myself as wouldnt want to hurt him, and not rubbed salt in the wounds so to speak)

So now I have apologised for calling him a lazy parent (I think he is, he only does the fun stuff and cant deal with disapline unless its done harshly) but I didnt want to hurt him, I dont think he will forgive me and this will now add onto the sourness between us that already existed from days prior.

I just dont know if I am the problem, and am shocked at myself for my reactions over the past week, I have had enough of how he acts towards myself and the kids, but reacting this way is not me being myself and have been firm, but also angry and outspoken, I dont feel like I am in control, he will not like any of this, my reaction  and I just dont want to have to deal with this.  He will say I am overemotional, unreasonable or hormonal and think I am in the wrong, he now has a good reason, I do not think he will see anything wrong in what he has done, and acutally this is where i get confused as i can see this too so why do i react?

Is this normal arguing, am I the problem.

 

 

 

 

[Chocolatebunnie]

I’m wondering is this part of the cycle?

feeling incredibly guilty about my behaviour, I don’t think he’ll except my apologies

I want the sourness between us to stop now BUT is this because I have reacted and now feel everything he did a few days back are now irrelevant and I’m focusing on my behaviour?

all I did was ask him to help me with getting the kids to listen, he claims I was having a go at him? This is where I said that he was using it as a excuse to not do what he should parenting wise, he thinks he should just go to bed when he’s done for the day, leave it all to me

sorry just trying to make sense of it

 

[Cherries]

It’s so hard isn’t it. Sitting right here feeling the same guilt. I don’t like who I’ve become. Everything is muddy and I don’t know about you but I really can’t think straight anymore. It’s exceeding my ability to cope with it all. The constant deluge. Biting back then the reaction is to blame Is a common tactic I’ve had literally my entire life. He can talk at me endlessly but the second I react in a way he don’t like …yuck.  So sick of it. Just want to be on my own now.

I can’t answer whether you’re right or wrong,  only that it seems to be a VERY common theme and I’ve never found a way to make it stop, despite bending myself into a pretzel. Hope you’re OK x

[Author]

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